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Question
Posted by: Stephanie | 2011/01/06

I wish I could forget him ....

I had a relationship with a man 3 years older than me and it ended very badly. He is a very abusive person who believes that cursing and threatening to get his way, is the way to go! We had a fight because of something really trivial (he is going thru a very difficult time in his life and I made the mistake of telling him that I care about him and that I would do anything to help him if I could etc. ...) well the result was rather unexpected .. he told me that he could not stand me anymore and that I must f*** off out of his life and leave him alone. I accepted it, but then he told me that he is going to post pictures of me on the internet (rather sexy pictures) that we had exchanged if I ever contact him again. Needless to say I have not made any contact with him, but worry that he may still post the pictures .... I made a huge mistake by getting involved with this man ... we often spoke telephonically, via email and sms before we met and when we did meet, there was an instant attraction between us. I don''t know where I went wrong ... maybe I should''ve left him to sort out his problems ... I don''t know! I just feel that he over-reacted somewhat .... We often argued because he felt that I was demanding too much of his time ... asking for one call or message a day is not asking too much is it and if I said anything he would ignore me for days on end. I would like to speak to him and make peace with him, but he refuses and says that he will never make peace with me .... I guess it would be better if I just forgot about him and carried on with my life .... he is verbally abusive and he scares me, but it is more difficult than I thought it would be. I was warned not to get involved with him, but I ignored the warnings and carried on seeing him and today I have regrets .... however, every time my cellphone rings or a message comes through, I wish it is him .... how do I get over him .... how do I forget him? He is not a friendly person, has very bad manners (ie always curses etc), selfcentered, moody ... I don''t know what it is, but there is just something about him .... I have in the interim met someone else who is closer to me in age, a real gentleman, does not even say s***** when he speaks to me, is always friendly, goes out of his way to contact me even when he is on duty, goodlooking and funloving, yet this other man (the nasty one) is always on my mind .... shortly after we met, he asked me if I was addicted to him and recently that question keeps coming back to me ... is he just one of those men who know how to get a woman to fall in love with him and when it has happened, pushes them away?? Arrgghhhh I know I should run like hell and thank the good Lord that he is no longer part of my life, but I miss him ...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Relationships with ery abusive people never end in any way except badly. OK it was indeed a huge mistake to have become involved with such an unpleasant person, and you have done well to move out of his life and back into your own. By now he is probably busy making someone else miserable.
He sounds far too selfish and preoccupied with his own needs, to have been or to be capable of an affectionate relationship with anyone else.
LEARN from such experiences - don't pine for the guy he might have been, or who you thought he was or wish he might become - be grateful to be away from the guy he actually is.
Nobody, not even you, could miss that guy you are missing some fantasy of who he may have been. Get back to the real qworld, and take your time with the new guy, not plunging in but becoming friends before deciding whether you both want it to go further than that

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stephanie | 2011/01/10

No his name is not David .... I wish I could publish his full name, identity number, name of business, address and all other details I have for him so that other women won''t go through the hell I went with him .... he is a bully and now I feel nothing but intense dislike for him ....

Reply to Stephanie
Posted by: Julie | 2011/01/08

His name isn''t David by any chance, is it?

Reply to Julie
Posted by: Stephanie | 2011/01/06

Thanks I really appreciate your responses ... well here is to the rest of my life without him : SALUT!!! hahaha thanx guys !!!

Reply to Stephanie
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/06

Hi Stephanie, from my side, all I want to say is...you can thank the good Lord once again that this guy is no longer part of your life. I think your mind was in love with him more than anything else dont you agree?? Anyway, you sound like a wonderfull person, hope everything turns out just fine for you...take care.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Stephanie | 2011/01/06

U r so right ... I also have probs in my life, but did not treat him so badly and I certainly don''t deserve the treatment I got from him ... I don''t know how I could miss someone like him, like I said I should be happy that he is no longer a part of my life ... no more verbal abuse and threats ... that should make me realise how bad he was for me! Thanks for your input!

Reply to Stephanie
Posted by: eh | 2011/01/06

Maybe you should spend some time thinking about why you miss someone who treated you so badly? Sounds like some form of abusive stockholm syndrome, everyone has problems in life and everybody goes through a difficult time at some point but does everybody treat theirs as he has treated you? If that was the case earth would be some dead nuclear contaminated zone dont you think?

Reply to eh
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/06

Relationships with ery abusive people never end in any way except badly. OK it was indeed a huge mistake to have become involved with such an unpleasant person, and you have done well to move out of his life and back into your own. By now he is probably busy making someone else miserable.
He sounds far too selfish and preoccupied with his own needs, to have been or to be capable of an affectionate relationship with anyone else.
LEARN from such experiences - don't pine for the guy he might have been, or who you thought he was or wish he might become - be grateful to be away from the guy he actually is.
Nobody, not even you, could miss that guy you are missing some fantasy of who he may have been. Get back to the real qworld, and take your time with the new guy, not plunging in but becoming friends before deciding whether you both want it to go further than that

Reply to cybershrink

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