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Question
Posted by: k | 2012-01-18

I want to get married but I am afraid of married life

Truth be told I should long be married, I am 29 and been dating my gf for over 5 years now and have finally decided we should get married. The story is that she was studying, I was finishing but we have been seeing each other for a longtime. my biggest problem is that we differ in value system. BUT my biggest problem is that all of the time when we are together she is always correcting me, all the time, and no matter what I do i cannot seem to reach a standard that she has set. She is perfectionist and health nut in some ways.

I try to make her happy but by the end of the day I am so ego exshausted to a point where I feel it is not worth trying. We argue a lot about money and how she wants things to be. The thing is i know I love her and should marry her but I am scared as hell. I am afraid it is not going to be fun and enjoyable. truth be told, most of the time she depletes my energy with all th things that are wrong in my life and so forth and her controlling nature. I know she does not mean to be mean. she is good person and is the way she is, and I do not believe she will change that either. all the more reason I am sort of terrified. obviosuly we do not live together...but i look at the people that lives with her, they are so heard but are forced for econimical reasons.

I am grown, and so is she and I know she needs this closure in terms of marriage more than me, for me honestly is a formality. But I am worried it will explode in my face.....I suppose hanging around devorced couples has also contributed to my fear.........

How do i deal with this fear before getting into this marriage, I mean i love her, and after so many years I owe it to her to make it right and work.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Where there are significant differences such as you describe, it would be wise before deciding to marry, to see a couples counsellor together and see to what extent such irritations can be worked out. And to clarify what you actually feel about each other. I get the feeling, from your message, that this may not actually be about love, but about your feeling that by now you "ought" to get married, and that after all this time, the marriage "ought" to be beteween the pair of you. This might not actually be the best idea for either or both of you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: k | 2012-01-19

Bafwethu and ma sisters....what you all have said made a lot sense. I am going to do all, talk and think and staying with her to see if the issues will disappear.

Thanks.....

Reply to k
Posted by: Bron | 2012-01-19

Why dont you speak up and tell her that you have issues wiht her controlling behaviour? My brother is married to a girl who dictated all day long and he nearly divorced her. However, he started telling her how he feels and put his foot down. She ends up bawling her eyes out but she has made changes cause she doesnt want to lose him. Perhaps you should do the same before you get married, because once you are married, it will be more difficult.

Reply to Bron
Posted by: Chris758 | 2012-01-18

Loving someone is not enough for a marraige. K, be very carefull because if she is like this before you get married it will be hell once you are married!!!!

Try to live together and see if it works...a wedding is very expensive!! If it does not work then you can go your way and she onother way!!

It is hell staying with someone that minipulates you and who tries to change you!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: almost mad | 2012-01-18

Im female but I feel the same way you feel. I refuse to get married until I know for sure in my heart that things will be okay and not just get worse. Be true to yourself K, I know sometimes it feels like youve put so much into the relationship that leaving means you wasted so many years of your life. Well I feel like that. My fiance is a good guy but we have problems that I feel will only get worse when married. think about it.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-01-18

Where there are significant differences such as you describe, it would be wise before deciding to marry, to see a couples counsellor together and see to what extent such irritations can be worked out. And to clarify what you actually feel about each other. I get the feeling, from your message, that this may not actually be about love, but about your feeling that by now you "ought" to get married, and that after all this time, the marriage "ought" to be beteween the pair of you. This might not actually be the best idea for either or both of you.

Reply to cybershrink

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