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Question
Posted by: Janine | 2010/07/28

I want to feel normal...

I am having and have been having trouble with a very specific emotion for a very long time now and I just cant live with it anymore.
I am in a relationship and I am so terrified that my partner will be unfaithful. I am so paranoid that I totally panic close to birthdays and major events because I am scared that other women will contact him or that ex gf’ s will try and make plans with him. I am also scared about not knowing what he is doing when I am not with him. I know deep down that I can trust him but I am also scared that his female friends might always be a threat. This is so stupid and so unecessary. How do I move on from this and feel normal about our relationship again. This is not healthy.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It seems you recognize that your degree of fear of his assumed infidelity is far in excess of any realistic chance that this might actually happen. In other words, your severe anxiety is not really rooted in reality, but in a whole set of assumptions you make about yourself, anyone close to you, and what you assume will happen. this is ideal territory for CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy , from a good local psychologist, who can help you to understand and change those assumptions and behaviours towards a far more enjoyable and fruitful set of expectations

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2010/07/29

i also had that, (i had experience as a young woman that left these scars) you can get exTREMEly obsessed, i know, and generally people dont understand this. i agree with Lin, but this type of issue i find is something you should explore and get counseling for on your own. it can cause tremendous problems in a relationship (did with me), but still it is not a relationship problem, it is your thing to deal with.

to quote you, the stupid and unnecessary feelings usually come afterwards, hey, almost cant control it while ''it''s'' happening.

you know what - if you work through it properly, it really can go away, i did it and im now married to the guy i experienced these insecurities with and it was never anything he gave me ANY reason for, i just want to assure you that you can overcome it. do something, a good psychologist with CBT (CS??) before it destroys you relationship, because it can. because the other partner doesnt understand this and just think you are extremely jealous, which is not really the core.

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/29

It seems you recognize that your degree of fear of his assumed infidelity is far in excess of any realistic chance that this might actually happen. In other words, your severe anxiety is not really rooted in reality, but in a whole set of assumptions you make about yourself, anyone close to you, and what you assume will happen. this is ideal territory for CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy , from a good local psychologist, who can help you to understand and change those assumptions and behaviours towards a far more enjoyable and fruitful set of expectations

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Lin | 2010/07/28

Maybe you should try couples counselling. You can also get some individual counselling to help you get over this fear of yours. Google FAMSA. They will give you the number of a therapist in your area.

Reply to Lin

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