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Question
Posted by: Suicidal | 2010-09-15

I want to die to get peace

I am so sick and tired of the depressing existence called my life.
I really think dying would be the best answer. I used to look down on people that contemplate it, but now I understand them. And it is not always desperate. Sometimes it is planned (i.e. planning your own death). I am 45, my mother is stuck in my care, I am so unhappy living with her. No man is interested in me with a mother to look after for the rest of my life. The whole family (family being the biggest farce on the planet) have turned their backs. They are mostly to blame for her situation. Since I was 3 I have never had peace, grew up in fear, I tried my best to shake it off, get on with my life but I am always dragged back, now by this person called my mother who does not have a cent to her name and an attitude to match. I feel like I never had a hope in hell of ever finding any happiness. I so desperately wanted to get married and have my own family but my fiance left me as he could not take my family. He was right. Don''t tell me to talk to someone, I don''t have the money plus unless you are dead you can''t take off work. I can''t help wondering why some people are so incredibly blessed and others seem to be destined for unhappiness. Believe in God? No God in his right mind or with kindness would put a family or an innocent baby (now 44) through all this. As for the bible honour your parents all your life. The writer forgot to put in the part about parents honouring their children. I sat at the beach last night and almost did it, tonight I think I am ready. I want to leave a suicide note that will name and shame the people that deserve it and send it to every newspaper here and abroad. When I die I intend it to be known exactly why and who was to blame for what it led to.Go on someone tell me not to do it, tell me it will get better. Give me a bloody break, been there, done that. Life is sh*t.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu know, it's only a guess that there might be peace after suicide, and some faiths believe it is definitely not so. It really is more practical to achieve peace while very much alive.
I'm so sorry to hear how you have lead a truly unfortunate life, and apparently you have a toxic family. Is it not possible to find some way for the welfare organizations to take over the care of your mother ? And/or for them to put pressure on the rest of your family to take up their responsibilities for her ? If she needs actual care, a state home might not please her, but has the responsibility for caring for her. And if she's simply poor and lazy, then she should seek assistance from the welfare organizations herself.
Sadly, newspapers often receive such messages as you are planning, and usually choose not to publish them. Only if one works over a longer period o time to meet with and interest an individual reporter in the whole story, is it possible they would be interested enough to pay attention.
You may not appreciate the frankness and directness with which "Woman" expresses herself, but do attend to what she says. You can still go for most of your dreams, especially those which rely on yourself, and don't depend on what other people do or don't do.
If you are seriously thinking of ending your life already, the risks of taking bold steps towards some of your dreams and forming a new and more satisfying way of life are small by comparison. Why not be bold about moving forward, assertively, rather than giving up ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wanna see | 2010-09-15

I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW YOUR PLANNING ON DOING IT?

Reply to Wanna see
Posted by: Woman | 2010-09-15

Aaah, I got a response from you. Do you know what that means? It means that you have the WILL to live. You are very angry, and your life overwhelms you. You are not the only person in the world who had a despicable childhood, many terrible things have happened to many babies, girls and women.

And as an answer to your question, if my mother was in any responsible for bad things happening to me in my childhood, hell yes, I would kick her to the curb without a second thought! Mothers are supposed to protect their children, not harm them. But you probably believe that everything is your fault, right?

Let me tell you another thing, I am living proof that you can pick yourself up from the gutter and rise to any hights you want when you believe in your dreams. The whole universe is out there, waiting for YOU to ask what you really want. You need to get to that part of yourself and really ask yourself - what do I want.

How did you want to go - drown, overdose, wrists? If you could plan your death in such detail, why not your life too! I say again, you are responsible for yourself. You choose to drag those heavy chains of your past with you, it would be so much easier to live if you managed to cast them off. Yes, there will be scars, but scars don''t hurt. If you die, you never get to make any choices anymore. Is that what you want your spirit to carry? No, really, is it?

Please respond, I want to know.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Bee | 2010-09-15

If people can''t give you their opinion or advice, why the hell do you post here?

Reply to Bee
Posted by: Mpho | 2010-09-15

whatever man - give me your physical address and i will get my gucci outfit, sunglasses, perfume and bag to attend your funeral!!! enough about that! the mere fact that you are privilidged enough to be sitting and writing this on a computer means that you are already blessed! imagine this: what if your suicidal attempt fails and you end up being paralysed from top to toe and yet your brain fuctions properly - then what? you did not give life to yourself so what right do you have to take it away? Just grow up!!!

Reply to Mpho
Posted by: Suicidal | 2010-09-15

No I have no choice you stupid ignorant goats.
You have not walked in my shoes, you know nothing about what I have been through and have grown up with or tried to move past. What the F*CK do you think I have been doing all these years, resting on my cushy backside? Your advice is beyond stupid because it is such a cliche and it simply does not work. You see not all of us can just up and leave like you can. I take it you have lotsa money and travel the world, right. Seize the day? Live for yourself. Oh goody for you, not all of us are that lucky. As for dumping my mother in a home, how about yours? Send me your E-mail address. You have no conception of anything let alone the implications. You are exactly like her in fact, selfish as what the day is light.

And I have more experience of suicide than you in your stupid life. Its a misconception that people do it because they are weak. They do it to get away mostly. I will take my chances, its better than what I have been living for the past 44 plus years even with your seize the day way.

Sorry if my reply is not what you expected but you are the most stupid and ignorant person that ever lived. Probably live in a big house, with a slave for a husband, kids that do your bidding, servants, parents that are normal and live far away, not a money problem in the world. Your type cannot relate to anyone that does not share your experience. I am sure you have never even heard of Bottom Billing have you?

Reply to Suicidal
Posted by: Mpho | 2010-09-15

just go to the nearest hospital and see how many patients are relying on hope alone - just to see another day and here you are, young as you are - healthy and you want to end your life?!? go to the gym, get dressed up for no particular reason, get a nanny to look after your mother and just simply ignore her when she gets nasty - she, like you doesn''t know how to deal with her issues! and don''t put God in all this - you do not wanna go that route!

Reply to Mpho
Posted by: two-stone | 2010-09-15

" Woman" you amaze me - you are SO wise in so many things. Suicidal, make the decision TODAY, that before I leave this planet, I am going to give life a go, " FOR ME!!"  Do what Woman and the Doc say - first try living for yourself before you decide to end it all. So what if it takes 6 months, or if it hurts your Mom/Family''s feelings. Commiting suicide and leaving letters telling everyone " why"  will probably hurt some of them too, but you won''t be here to see/experience it anyway. Make the decision - TODAY, I START LIVING!!! and to Hell with everyone else. Please let us know how it is going. Somehow, I feel you are going to be writing in a few months time and telling us how wonderful your life has become. I can also promise you this - if you change your whole outlook/attitude, you will become that exciting, attractive person which is living inside you waiting to get out and a partner in your life will materialise. BUT, you have to take the first step, TODAY. Good luck sweetgirl.

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-09-15

Yep what we fear will always win, until we decide to face it head on. What if when you die you still have to deal with the same sh*t until you''ve dealt with it. Until you know someone who killed herself and lived happily ever after, I say don''t bother.

Now for the next coming years, just work on finding peace. This you won''t find anywhere else but inside yourself. You can blame every one including God for your short comings. Just know this, you have a choice.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Woman | 2010-09-15

So cry me a river. YOU are 45 and you''re *still* blaming the rest of the world for the bugger up that is your life today? You are 45. 45 and all you have done, is sit back all your life and blame your parents, your ex, your siblings, god, your work for your shitty life. What have YOU done in all these years to change your situation? What steps have you taken to live your dreams? If things are so desperate and you don''t want to take care of an abusive mother, put her in a state home and forget about her. Put her in the past, and start your life! Move away, get a new job, travel the world. The only person holding you back is you. Because even 45 is not too late to live.

You are afraid of life, you are afraid of taking responsibility for your life. And so you choose the coward''s way out? What about your dreams - why is there any reason why you cannot make them real? If you really want to live, take responsibility for your own happiness and stop blaming everyone else. at 45, none of your excuses are not good enough for where you are.

Sorry if my post was not what you expected. I hope at least you''ll think of your legacy before you prematurely pass it on.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-15

YOu know, it's only a guess that there might be peace after suicide, and some faiths believe it is definitely not so. It really is more practical to achieve peace while very much alive.
I'm so sorry to hear how you have lead a truly unfortunate life, and apparently you have a toxic family. Is it not possible to find some way for the welfare organizations to take over the care of your mother ? And/or for them to put pressure on the rest of your family to take up their responsibilities for her ? If she needs actual care, a state home might not please her, but has the responsibility for caring for her. And if she's simply poor and lazy, then she should seek assistance from the welfare organizations herself.
Sadly, newspapers often receive such messages as you are planning, and usually choose not to publish them. Only if one works over a longer period o time to meet with and interest an individual reporter in the whole story, is it possible they would be interested enough to pay attention.
You may not appreciate the frankness and directness with which "Woman" expresses herself, but do attend to what she says. You can still go for most of your dreams, especially those which rely on yourself, and don't depend on what other people do or don't do.
If you are seriously thinking of ending your life already, the risks of taking bold steps towards some of your dreams and forming a new and more satisfying way of life are small by comparison. Why not be bold about moving forward, assertively, rather than giving up ?

Reply to cybershrink

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