Our expert says:
This sounds quite normal - and is illustrating quite clearly some of the differences between men and women! It is entirely normal from your perspective given what sounds to be quite typical levels of desire (and particularly so given your feelings for her), but her response also sounds normal given how you sometimes talk about her. In addition to saying wonderful things like how alive she makes you feel, you seem to talk about her in quite a sexual way (e.g. 'she gives me hardons'). Many women get quite switched off by talk like this as it makes them feel that you view them as 'sexual objects'; this in turn will diminish their desire. One of the tragedies of heterosexual relationships (or maybe just relationships, but it is exacerbated between men and women) is that they often 'speak different languages' even if the end message is the same. You're telling her how attractive you find her, she's hearing you want to have sex. Even if this is true, that you want to have sex, you need to express more of the emotional stuff. Try using less sexual talk, she'll know that you are turned on, but tell her more about what she means to you, how else she makes you feel. If you also show her how you are caring for her feelings by not being so sexually oriented - however - you are still likely to be frustrated as the male libido is often higher than the females. The best bet in such a circumstance to try to maximise her libido (quality of relationship, etc), negotiate reasonable compromise (e.g. she stimulates you in some way, or you can stimulate yourself with her there), and then managing the shortfall - I have never known a man to die of sexual frustration...
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