advertisement
Question
Posted by: rutt | 2012/03/07

I want out

I got out of a bad relationship, abusive emotionally rarely physically. we have to 2 children, never married. anyway that was 2 years ago. this past Sat, for the sake of the kids, we went out on a day trip so that he can spend time with them, it''s a bit " difficult"  for him to do it on his own (different problem different day) anyway he later decided to let me know he still loves me, I am the mother of his kids, prior to that I was his queen, we all make mistakes we can make make a diff etc etc. He did not say he wants to start a relationship but it was implied.
Initially I was unaffected but since Monday I have been experiencing such anxiety about it, and also I think I may be excited about the potential for us to work things out. the thing is I know he has not changed and is may be manipulating me. A lot has gone wrong with us, to the extenet that my family have been affected and obviously would disapprove and prob disown me, the other thing is I really don''t think due to teh fact that he hasn''t changed he would be good for my girls or for me. how do I just let all of the emotion go and get him out of my head??? I thought I was done!

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It doesn't sound as though the pair of you will be able to work it out without proper expert help. Why not discuss this with him, and consider seeing a marriage / couples counsellor together to see what is possible, without long-term committment other than to sincerely try to counselling option.
Otherwise, if you really already think it would be better for you and the girls to let him go and stay gone, maybe individual counselling would help you sort out your feelings of confusion

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Ina | 2012/03/08

Let common sense prevail. Someone with the capability to be abusive will never change and he will never make you happy. So, leave him now while you are still young and wait for true love and someone who will respect you.

Reply to Ina
Posted by: Been there | 2012/03/08

I have been in a similar relationship. The only difference is we did not have kids and he was physically violent. These types of men (and women) do not change. They like to control you. They cannot see what they are doing wrong and they actually do not have a conscience. The behaviour can also progress and get worse over time. For your and your childrens sake you should seek therapy and take it from there. Good Luck.

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Ogies | 2012/03/08

I agree with Tina, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, THEY DONT CHANGE, THEY GET WORSE! I was actually held captive by a man who I afterwards found out he was a pchycopath, they are always right, and change moods in seconds. In the end I had to call the police to get met out! Google PSYCOPATH and you will see the smilarity. You and your children come first, dont let him ruin your life, and there are more men who a pchycopaths than we think.

Reply to Ogies
Posted by: Tina | 2012/03/08

Run baby run - they NEVER change. They make all these promises but never stick to them. You and your girls CAN survive without him. You DO NOT need to be treated this way. I know - I was emotionally abused too, cut off my family and friends. He was a control freak and I was ALWAYS the " wrong"  one. And believe me - like the other reader said - the children suffer more than the grown ups. They don''t deserve this either. Good luck!

Reply to Tina
Posted by: Sharon Malope | 2012/03/08

THE FACT THAT YOU STILL MADE TIME TO GO OUT WITH HIM AND THE KIDS, IT MEANS YOU GUYS STAYING AS A FAMILY MEANS A LOT TO YOU. HE MAY HAVE SAID OR DONE THINGS TO YOU THAT ARE BAD, BUT DO NOT BE BITTER ENOUGH NOT TO SEE WHEN HE IS CHANGING FOR THE BETTER, ASK GOD FOR GUIDANCE IN THE PROCESS, HE CAN GUIDE YOU INTO KNOWING WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT THIS TO WORK, YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THIS WHOLE WILL BE MUCH CLEARER.
ALL THE BEST MY SISTER!!

Reply to Sharon Malope
Posted by: Riva | 2012/03/08

Therapy is a really good starting point. I believe if the relationship is abusive - he seems to be emotionally unavailable - nothing you do is going to right everything.
Start looking after yourself, do whatever it takes to live a healthy, happy life for you and your children. Your children are affected by this more than you know.
There are meany explanations as to why he is " in your head"  - and you want to work things out - even though his behaviour is not good for you.
Read " Women Who Love too Much"  by Robin Norwood.
Also, " Journey from Abandonment to Healing"  Susan Anderson
Another: " Changes that Heal"  by Henry Cloud

Some of these may resonate with you. Good luck.

Reply to Riva
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/07

It doesn't sound as though the pair of you will be able to work it out without proper expert help. Why not discuss this with him, and consider seeing a marriage / couples counsellor together to see what is possible, without long-term committment other than to sincerely try to counselling option.
Otherwise, if you really already think it would be better for you and the girls to let him go and stay gone, maybe individual counselling would help you sort out your feelings of confusion

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement