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Question
Posted by: sheila | 2011-11-15

I want him back!!!

Hi, I was in a relationship that turned 8 years this year, we have a two nd half year old daughter together, i moved out of the flat that we rented together because i felt he did not want to marry me since we have been to together for that long. I was also under pressure from my parent who did not support the idea of va n sit. after i moved out i still insisted that we get married as soon as possible but he still did not believe that i was ready. He hates the fact that i drink and smoke and that is the reason for him not to marry. Well from the day i moved out to September he has been begging me to come back, but i was very rude to him, in those months i started drinking a lot nd went to clubs every weekend, well starting from Thurdays until Sunday and he would see all of the things i was doing nd my partying life, i met some dude in September and i promised myself that as long as my babydaddy doesnt marry me i have to move on with my life, but i only got to resent the new guy, because i would call my babydaddy name in the middle of the night while we are sleeping or sometime when we were just talking, its been a month that i feel i should go back him, i have dumped the new dude and communicated with my daughters father and to my suprise he still wants me back, he has someone in his life now and he told me that he was about to marry her and they have both discussed it. I love him dearly and i feel i should fight for him now before its too late, he promised that everything will be ok but he just needs time to sort out the new relationship and that will be before december, but the fact that he has some1 spending the night at his place is terrifying me, can i wait that long, on the other hand i cant let him go, nd i also cannot be second, what hurts me more is that he was thinking of marrying someone that he just met and i had to wait for eight years, im so torned inside coz i want to spend almost every minute with him, i havent eaten in two days ive lost appetide, i cry every second i think of him, where was this love the past six month, y did i hate him so much, y was i forcing myself to move on without thinking things through, i spent the night at his place on friday and we made love, we also spend sunday together until around 00h00, just after i have left, i cald him so he can keep me company in the car while im driving home, only to find hi is on his way to the girlfrand, she slept over there until yesterday, told him i dont want her sleeping there and he assured that nothing is happening between them because he cannot touch her let alone kiss her anymore...im shaking with anger and love at the same time...your advice will mean a lot to me!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If getting married was important to you ( a perfectly reasonable attitude ) why did you choose to live with the guy for so many years, and have a child by him, before he made it very clear he would mary you and show such committment ?
FDrinking and smoking and going out to clubs regularly is both bad for your health and bad for the health of your child, and doesn't suggest you are mature enough yet to form an adult relationship. Maybe its reasonable for him to be cautious about making a long-term committment to you when you are apparently not prepared to make a long term committment to your child's best welfare, and to stopping expensive and self-damaging habits like drinking, smoking and clubbing
That you so rapidly found a new dude to sleep with isn't promising, either. And your ex had also rapidly found someone new and was already ready to marry her ? Presumably she doesn't drink, smoke or club ?
Sounds like you're working yourself up into an unnecessary state of distress about a situation you have done much to create. COnsider seeing a counsellor to clarify your options, their advantages and disadvantages, and to enable you to make wiser choices.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: H | 2011-11-16

poor kid....does the baby have to inhale your smoke??

all this partying drinking clubbing sex irresponsible behaviour....how old are you....19??

Reply to H
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-11-16

If getting married was important to you ( a perfectly reasonable attitude ) why did you choose to live with the guy for so many years, and have a child by him, before he made it very clear he would mary you and show such committment ?
FDrinking and smoking and going out to clubs regularly is both bad for your health and bad for the health of your child, and doesn't suggest you are mature enough yet to form an adult relationship. Maybe its reasonable for him to be cautious about making a long-term committment to you when you are apparently not prepared to make a long term committment to your child's best welfare, and to stopping expensive and self-damaging habits like drinking, smoking and clubbing
That you so rapidly found a new dude to sleep with isn't promising, either. And your ex had also rapidly found someone new and was already ready to marry her ? Presumably she doesn't drink, smoke or club ?
Sounds like you're working yourself up into an unnecessary state of distress about a situation you have done much to create. COnsider seeing a counsellor to clarify your options, their advantages and disadvantages, and to enable you to make wiser choices.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Honest | 2011-11-15

u go out clubbing smoking and drinking 4 days a week, meet a guy and sleep with him in under 8 weeks!
You are too imature 2 b married - at least have some pride in yourself and seek therapy!

Reply to Honest
Posted by: Woman | 2011-11-15

My goodness gracious you have awefully low self esteem, please go see a shrink.

Reply to Woman

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