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Question
Posted by: Angel | 2011-07-14

I think my Husbands Kids are being abused

Im not sure if i am on the right forum for this but here it goes.
My husband and i have been together for 6 years, 4 of which we have been married. I have since the beginning believed that his children are being abused by their mother and step father. In the beginning of our relationship they used to visit every second weekend and now it is not that often now that they have moved, but they children still show the same behaviours after all the years. His daughter from the age of 4 has been a very sexual child, it terms of alway wanting to lift her dress and wanting her brother to dance closly with her. She always wants to sleep in the same bed as him and asked regularly if she is " SEXY"  I have found that there always seems to be faeces on her underware and also on her brothers underware, he is a year or so older than her. they are now 10 and 11 and nothing has changed if not gotten worse. There are alot of other behavioural patterns that i have picked up aswell but that would be a very long message to you. DO I NEED TO BE WORRIED. what do i do as the " step parent"  how do i find out. I dont want to start throwing accusations around if there is nothing going on. BUT I FEEL IN MY HEART THAT THERE IS!! PLEASE ADVISE

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It makes excellent sense for you ( and their father ) to be worried. And the central issue, surely, is what is best for the children. Maybe they are indeed being abused, and the signs you describe suggest that ; at the least they are signs which suggest that they are disturbed and unhappy in some ways. They need to be properly and carefully assessed by a child psychiatrist and a paediatrician experienced in such matters.
Maybe your husband needs legal advice, but I don't see why any court would order the children into protective custody or special care, unless perhaps the mother convincingly alleged that HE was molesting them when they were staying with you both. And this need not be presented as an acusation that the mother and / or step-father are molesting them, but that SOMEONE may be doing so, and they need a proper assessment to check on this possibility. It is possible a court would order them removed from the mother's home, and might even place thm with you, or maybe some other relative.
The mother is not entitled to withhold the children from their father unless a court has ordered that this be so. this is not connected to the issue of maintenance or its payment, and if a court got involved, it might well order that he have more frequent and maybe longer periods of contact with them. This would be much more satisfactory than allowing the mother to improperly withhold them from him, as with him seeing them only once in 6 months, it's far harder for him to keep track of the children's well-being and welfare.
If it can be substantiated that the children are being taken on trips with the sepfather in the cab of a long-distance lorry, I doubt that any court would consider this proper.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Angel | 2011-07-14

Yes, it is something we have discussed often, but he is concerned that if we take it further that the children would be put into protective custody until everthing is finalised and if it turns out to be nothing that his wife with withhold the children from him indefinantly, she already does at this stage even though he does pay child support and we do contribute to any other needs that they may have.. We now see them about 1 in six months and there is always an excuse or story why we cannot get them. I have been told that they also go on trips with their step father who is a truck driver, then they travel with thim in the cab, this first of all is no life for a child and also i feel with all the dark clouds surrounding truck drivers that this in an unsafe environment with them. I feel like such an out sider and that my hands are tied in this situation only being the " second wife" .

Reply to Angel
Posted by: Maria | 2011-07-14

Have you discussed this with your husband at all? You need to raise your concerns with him, explaining what you see and why that worries you.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-07-14

It makes excellent sense for you ( and their father ) to be worried. And the central issue, surely, is what is best for the children. Maybe they are indeed being abused, and the signs you describe suggest that ; at the least they are signs which suggest that they are disturbed and unhappy in some ways. They need to be properly and carefully assessed by a child psychiatrist and a paediatrician experienced in such matters.
Maybe your husband needs legal advice, but I don't see why any court would order the children into protective custody or special care, unless perhaps the mother convincingly alleged that HE was molesting them when they were staying with you both. And this need not be presented as an acusation that the mother and / or step-father are molesting them, but that SOMEONE may be doing so, and they need a proper assessment to check on this possibility. It is possible a court would order them removed from the mother's home, and might even place thm with you, or maybe some other relative.
The mother is not entitled to withhold the children from their father unless a court has ordered that this be so. this is not connected to the issue of maintenance or its payment, and if a court got involved, it might well order that he have more frequent and maybe longer periods of contact with them. This would be much more satisfactory than allowing the mother to improperly withhold them from him, as with him seeing them only once in 6 months, it's far harder for him to keep track of the children's well-being and welfare.
If it can be substantiated that the children are being taken on trips with the sepfather in the cab of a long-distance lorry, I doubt that any court would consider this proper.

Reply to cybershrink

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