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Question
Posted by: Bas Janssen | 2012/07/03

I think I''m a sex addict

How do I know I am a sex addict? I''ve been in a relationship for over a year and I''m pretty sure I''ve never stopped thinking about other women... She is my best friend in the world and I think she is the cutest, most beautiful thing in life... But i just can''t stop thinking about having sex with other people... I want to marry her but sleep around... Is something wrong with me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is important to define addiction correctly to make sure you are in actual fact fitting the definition of sexual addiction – the following reading might shed some light. - http://www.sexualrecovery.com/articles/defined.php. It might be that you have certain normal fantasies, might just have interests but do not want to really act on it or you might even not be ready to settle down yet. Furthermore you might be interested in other types of relationships than the traditional monogamous relationship where you and your partner are open about the nature of the rules and comfortable exploring it. In order for you to come to terms with what you are experiencing and the impact on your relationship and your future it might be worth exploring the assistance from a psychologist dealing specifically with sexual concerns. It will most definitely be worth for you on a personal level to address this as well as for your relationship/s.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cindy | 2012/07/07

all of you hear should write novels lol

Reply to cindy
Posted by: Jabu | 2012/07/04

@Bas Janssen, there is absolutely nothing wrong about being a Sex addict or thinking you may be 1, so long as you do it responsibly.......go for it.

Reply to Jabu
Posted by: Julia | 2012/07/04

I am married and I sometimes fantasise about having sex with another man, but I don''t sleep around, it''s just a fantasy I have no intention of acting on! I am by no means a sex addict either! There is more to a relationship than just sex. If you want to marry her, you no doubt have strong feelings for her. Don''t jeopardise the relationship you have for something you may just be fantasising about.

Reply to Julia
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/07/04

Digital Sex & mdash  People need to realise that there is sooooo much more to a relationship than just putting the penis in the vagina, or in the case of a woman having a penis in your vagina.

Foreplay, i.e. the touching, hugging, kissing, whispering is wonderful and can last a long time. The afterglow is just as wonderful and can also go on a long time. But the actual act itself....generally not so long..... so whats the big deal? Do you or your woman feel good later or the next day or the next week?
Very seldom. As you said yourself these relationships dont last long and reality sets in.

The only thing you can do is start all over again and go round in circles until you go right up your own butt because people will not stop seeking sexual pleasure only! This is my opinion and I''m sticking to it.

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/07/04

< Pamela> 
That is true about most (if not all) men being addicted to sex.
That is why when women says that they are sex addicts i find it a bit amusing, because they may not be aware how much men are addicted to it.

Also true is that Bas Janssen should practise some self-control
Another thing that make men choose to sleep around and regretting it is that in the beginning of the sexual relationship their partner does a lot (almost gets overwhelmed with being in a relationship –  guys usually expect this to continue till the end of time, not practical but that’ s how we see it) then the partner slows down (sometimes even stops totally) and then the guy seeks an alternative to the partner to satisfy their needs.

Guys do the same thing with women they seem so interested in the new partner and show so much compassion and interest in the partner (especially emotionally), then after a while they realise that they can’ t keep it up forever and slow down (even stops totally as well) ... at this point the women notices that the their emotional attachment seems to fade and she is less motivated to perform other acts that stimulate the relationship because she is not satisfied ... usually at this point the fighting starts (honeymoon over –  reality kicks in ... what do you do now?)

Reply to Digital_Sex
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/07/04

All men are basically sex addicts - learn some self control.

This is an open forum in case you havent noticed, anyone can butt in and say what they like.
If you are so disturbed by this, pay your money and see a private sexologist for your oh so common problem.

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/07/04

< Bas Janssen> 
Wow Bas, take it easy.
I just find it interesting. No need to blow your top-off
This is a forum by the way so all you need do is take in the information relevant to you and ignore the ones that seem unnecessary.

Reply to Digital_Sex
Posted by: Bas Janssen | 2012/07/04

@ Digital_Sex

I''m waiting on the Sexologist to reply.
Why do you always have to throw a comment everytime a queston is asked?

Are you the sexologist in training or what?

Reply to Bas Janssen
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/07/04

< Bas Janssen> 
I don’ t think you are but I do agree with Jonathan about the sleeping with other girls.
•  How many times a week do the two of you have it?
•  Does she satisfy you?
•  Does her satisfaction of an orgasm get you in the mood for more?
•  Is there a specific fantasy that you would like to live out with her?
•  Do you feel that you are missing out on super-sex by being with you woman?

If you answered yes to the last one then here is a heads-up, you’ re not missing out on anything really, as long as your current partner does their best to please you then that does it, because you will want to be with another woman (take note) that will mostly likely like it less than your current partner or who wants it a lot at once and won’ t be in the mood for a long time (months on end, this will leave you frustrated).
Just stick to your partner and as you clearly do love her, that will be a good way for ya’ ll to communicate and understand each others’  limits and fantasies and be able to accommodate each other. Good Luck

Reply to Digital_Sex
Posted by: jonathan | 2012/07/04

You sound quite normal to me. The sleeping around could be a problem though! I often find myself wondering how I would feel if I walked into a room and caught my wife having sex with some stud - and enjoying every second of it!! It would make me sick! My point is that - if you give it - you must be able to take it. So think how hurt she''ll be if she finds out!! Could you handle it if she did it? Men are horny Bastards - to us it''s just Sex but Woman see it as an emotional attachment!! Good luck mate!!

Reply to jonathan
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012/07/04

It is important to define addiction correctly to make sure you are in actual fact fitting the definition of sexual addiction – the following reading might shed some light. - http://www.sexualrecovery.com/articles/defined.php. It might be that you have certain normal fantasies, might just have interests but do not want to really act on it or you might even not be ready to settle down yet. Furthermore you might be interested in other types of relationships than the traditional monogamous relationship where you and your partner are open about the nature of the rules and comfortable exploring it. In order for you to come to terms with what you are experiencing and the impact on your relationship and your future it might be worth exploring the assistance from a psychologist dealing specifically with sexual concerns. It will most definitely be worth for you on a personal level to address this as well as for your relationship/s.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

Reply to Sexologist

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