Our expert says:
Many women do struggle with orgasm during penetrative intercourse, so you are not alone. Your size certainly will not make any difference, so you can put that out of your mind as a contributory factor. It is very important that you identify any factors that might be interfering with your ability to focus on sensations and pleasure - for example, if he is too heavy and hurting you, if you are focusing on him/his pleasure only, if you are focusing too hard on trying to experience orgasm, then you are not focusing on the feelings and certainly not able to give him feedback. Try to relieve yourself of the pressure to experience orgasm and try to find ways to relax and enjoy the sensations in penetrative intercourse as far as possible (suggestions below). Also try to encourage him to see it as something over which he only has so much influence - you don't literally have a switch that can be flicked - so he should try to have a less self-defeating approach as this only puts more pressure on you.
The ideas about experiencing orgasm during penetration are still contentious, but it is likely to be the combination of arousal caused by: (1) direct and indirect clitoral stimulation (the part of your sexual anatomy that is mostly visible about 1cm in front of the vagina, but also extends backwards skirting around the front opening to the vagina and then a little deeper into the pelvis),
(2) stimulation of an area frequently termed the 'g spot' (this is a small area about 4 or 5 cm up the front wall of the vagina - some partners can actually feel a slight swelling of this area when the woman is aroused.
(3) some women also find deep penetration very stimulating and may experience orgasm in this way.
Perhaps you and your husband can explore your sexual response a little more with other forms of stimulation (manual/oral) and include in this stimulation of the area around the gspot - ask him to use a motion as if he is calling someone with his finger (also referred to as 'come hither'), or deep penetration. Try different positions and give him feedback about various things feel like.
Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to email@example.com
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