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Question
Posted by: Worried | 2012-08-23

I struggle to get an orgarm during sex

Please help me. I never orgasm during sex, only if my husband plays with me. I know that i''m build quit big but my husband isn''t that small himself. Is there something wrong with me? My husband thinks that he can''t please me and i don''t want him to feel that way. please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Many women do struggle with orgasm during penetrative intercourse, so you are not alone. Your size certainly will not make any difference, so you can put that out of your mind as a contributory factor. It is very important that you identify any factors that might be interfering with your ability to focus on sensations and pleasure - for example, if he is too heavy and hurting you, if you are focusing on him/his pleasure only, if you are focusing too hard on trying to experience orgasm, then you are not focusing on the feelings and certainly not able to give him feedback. Try to relieve yourself of the pressure to experience orgasm and try to find ways to relax and enjoy the sensations in penetrative intercourse as far as possible (suggestions below). Also try to encourage him to see it as something over which he only has so much influence - you don't literally have a switch that can be flicked - so he should try to have a less self-defeating approach as this only puts more pressure on you.

The ideas about experiencing orgasm during penetration are still contentious, but it is likely to be the combination of arousal caused by: (1) direct and indirect clitoral stimulation (the part of your sexual anatomy that is mostly visible about 1cm in front of the vagina, but also extends backwards skirting around the front opening to the vagina and then a little deeper into the pelvis),
(2) stimulation of an area frequently termed the 'g spot' (this is a small area about 4 or 5 cm up the front wall of the vagina - some partners can actually feel a slight swelling of this area when the woman is aroused.
(3) some women also find deep penetration very stimulating and may experience orgasm in this way.

Perhaps you and your husband can explore your sexual response a little more with other forms of stimulation (manual/oral) and include in this stimulation of the area around the gspot - ask him to use a motion as if he is calling someone with his finger (also referred to as 'come hither'), or deep penetration. Try different positions and give him feedback about various things feel like.

Claire - SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: PRAVEEN L | 2012-09-11

Every time i tried having sex with my wife wife her vagina
is so dry. When i tried to penerate her my penis can not go in
she scream at me an say it hurting. Please help i do not know what do .
Waiting foe a reply
Praveen L

Reply to PRAVEEN L
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012-08-23

Many women do struggle with orgasm during penetrative intercourse, so you are not alone. Your size certainly will not make any difference, so you can put that out of your mind as a contributory factor. It is very important that you identify any factors that might be interfering with your ability to focus on sensations and pleasure - for example, if he is too heavy and hurting you, if you are focusing on him/his pleasure only, if you are focusing too hard on trying to experience orgasm, then you are not focusing on the feelings and certainly not able to give him feedback. Try to relieve yourself of the pressure to experience orgasm and try to find ways to relax and enjoy the sensations in penetrative intercourse as far as possible (suggestions below). Also try to encourage him to see it as something over which he only has so much influence - you don't literally have a switch that can be flicked - so he should try to have a less self-defeating approach as this only puts more pressure on you.

The ideas about experiencing orgasm during penetration are still contentious, but it is likely to be the combination of arousal caused by: (1) direct and indirect clitoral stimulation (the part of your sexual anatomy that is mostly visible about 1cm in front of the vagina, but also extends backwards skirting around the front opening to the vagina and then a little deeper into the pelvis),
(2) stimulation of an area frequently termed the 'g spot' (this is a small area about 4 or 5 cm up the front wall of the vagina - some partners can actually feel a slight swelling of this area when the woman is aroused.
(3) some women also find deep penetration very stimulating and may experience orgasm in this way.

Perhaps you and your husband can explore your sexual response a little more with other forms of stimulation (manual/oral) and include in this stimulation of the area around the gspot - ask him to use a motion as if he is calling someone with his finger (also referred to as 'come hither'), or deep penetration. Try different positions and give him feedback about various things feel like.

Claire - SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com


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