Our expert says:
It is essential to distinguish between fact and reality. You can dream, if you choose to do so, about how things might be IF you had married him then... But you didn't, and now you are married, and he is married, and it is not going to happen. He is a different person now, and so are you. Its no use telling yourself that you "can't" accept what actually happened - you can't re-write history by pretending it didn'thappen or pretending it can be undone. It happened.
If you care for him at all, you know he is happy, and you should not disturb that happiness, so leave him there. Do see a counsellor yo help you let go of the past and get involved in the present. Your capacity to love your husband is probably being limited by your insisting on not allowing that to happen, as you insist on linking all your love to the ghost of the boyfriend who once was. As you let go of him, you may find you're able to find far more happiness in your marriage.
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