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Question
Posted by: nancy | 2009/11/11

i still miss him

we were once in love 4 years back, we were supposed to have been married, we gave each other our hearts we shared special love and wanted to be together for the rest of our lives, BUT, suddenly excuses of seeing each other started, i don' t know what came between us, u know when i think of him i can' t even sleep, he' s married now i' m married now but the thought of me being married can' t move in my mind i love him so much, i can' t accept that we separated because of mere things, he' s happy i' m not happy. i wish we did not separate, i wish he could call me one day saying HI BEAUTIFUL as he used to say when we were together, i' m married but i feel so empty inside, i love my two babies so dearly but i don' t love hubby, please help me i even think of just calling saying i miss him, i know i' m the one who hurt him, by marrying another man just for the sake of having someone to marry, but i did this because he never visited me anymore and gave me excuses.

i still love him and still have those feelings i had before, i miss our days together. i feel so empty and weak without him. what must i do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is essential to distinguish between fact and reality. You can dream, if you choose to do so, about how things might be IF you had married him then... But you didn't, and now you are married, and he is married, and it is not going to happen. He is a different person now, and so are you. Its no use telling yourself that you "can't" accept what actually happened - you can't re-write history by pretending it didn'thappen or pretending it can be undone. It happened.
If you care for him at all, you know he is happy, and you should not disturb that happiness, so leave him there. Do see a counsellor yo help you let go of the past and get involved in the present. Your capacity to love your husband is probably being limited by your insisting on not allowing that to happen, as you insist on linking all your love to the ghost of the boyfriend who once was. As you let go of him, you may find you're able to find far more happiness in your marriage.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/11/12

I think you must grow up. You are not a schoolgirl with a crush on the hero of the day. I wish you would debase yourself and approach the " love of your life"  and let him put you firmly in your place as experienced by Womans sister. I' m sorry you don' t love your hubby anymore, so why not leave him as suggsted by Rick and let him meet someone who will love him. You on the other hand deserve to just bumble along and end up by meeting someone will break your heart. I am really sorry for you.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/11/12

I think you must grow up. You are not a schoolgirl with a crush on the hero of the day. I wish you would debase yourself and approach the " love of your life"  and let him put you firmly in your place as experienced by Womans sister. I' m sorry you don' t love your hubby anymore, so why not leave him as suggsted by Rick and let him meet someone who will love him. You on the other hand deserve to just bumble along and end up by meeting someone will break your heart. I am really sorry for you.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Rick | 2009/11/12

You are being dishonest to your current husband and he does not deserve to be treated without respect.

Leave him so that he can find someone that loves him and wont just use him.

Reply to Rick
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/11

My sister dreamt of her ex for nearly 10 years and finally decided to come clean to him and to find out whether he feels the same. She thought it did. Turns out the guy thought her a great person and friend , but had " absolutely no desire"  to get together with her anymore.

In the end, all the entire process did was to end a nice fantasy (that they will get together again and live happily ever after), break her heart, break her kids hearts and nearly destroy her marriage.

I apologise in advance for the harsh words I am about to write, please know I write them because I genuinely want to help, and not because I' m a b*tch. Don' t kid yourself, it' s ancient history and you' re being terribly unfair to your children by being disloyal to the man you married (their father).

Please go see a shrink to make sense of your feelings and work and deal with them.

Lastly, getting married for the sake of being married is a recipe for disaster. If you are so unhappy, leave so your husband can find a wife who will love him. You' re being very unfair to the man.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/11

It is essential to distinguish between fact and reality. You can dream, if you choose to do so, about how things might be IF you had married him then... But you didn't, and now you are married, and he is married, and it is not going to happen. He is a different person now, and so are you. Its no use telling yourself that you "can't" accept what actually happened - you can't re-write history by pretending it didn'thappen or pretending it can be undone. It happened.
If you care for him at all, you know he is happy, and you should not disturb that happiness, so leave him there. Do see a counsellor yo help you let go of the past and get involved in the present. Your capacity to love your husband is probably being limited by your insisting on not allowing that to happen, as you insist on linking all your love to the ghost of the boyfriend who once was. As you let go of him, you may find you're able to find far more happiness in your marriage.

Reply to cybershrink

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