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Question
Posted by: Shopaholic | 2012/06/24

I REALLY messed up this time!

Can anyone advise on shopaholic support groups? Everytime I am depressed out comes the credit card and I come home with yummy woolies food items, the latest fashions, stunning shoes etc... I know it keeps adding up and I have to pay it but can''t seem to stop myself.
Have just confessed to hubby about this latest debt (last time he said if I do it again he would divorce me) I understand he is angry and disappointed I am just now so scared he is going to leave me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you have a weakness for wasteful and unnecessary spending to comfort yourself ( instead of finding more effective ways to handle your concerns ) for a start, cut up and cancel the credit card.
If you dont have the money, don't spend it.
How many stunning shoes do you really need ?
Recognize that you cannot trust yourself with money let alone with access to credit ( i/e money that isn't yours ).
As exS correctly says, there is a difference between being depressed and being unhappy.
View your new carefulness as a form of saving to eventually have a child - you surely don't want a child to be born into serious debt.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012/06/25

You don''t need a support group for shopaholics. What would benefit you greatly however is CBT-style counseling (Cognitive Behavior Therapy). If you really practice the techniques taught, it would improve your lack of impulse control a lot.

Ever thought of cutting up that credit card? Or giving it to hubby and allowing him to choose when and where you can use it?

I had the same problem - when I got manic or depressed, I wouldn''t think about the consequences and go max out my credit cards on the biggest load of junk you can imagine. Then I lost my job and was unemployed for 3 years. I had no-one to help me out of the situation(admittedly of my own making) and had to face the consequences by having multiple default judgments against my name. I''m still trying to clear up my credit record so that I can at least purchase a car and house on my own name - but I''ll NEVER apply for a credit card EVER again. Not even to ''use in an emergency'' - because I KNOW that I won''t always have the willpower to tell myself NO!

I''ve now gotten so used to going without because I simply cannot afford something with cash, that it''s become a way of life. It might take me 3 or more months to save up for something I really want, but buying it in cash gives me such a sense of pride that it continually reinforces the idea that I don''t NEED a credit card to survive.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: shopaholic | 2012/06/25

Thanks for the encouragement.
I have given him the cards to lock away and I am actually calling the credit card dept this morning to tell them to block my card.
I have been trying to fall preg for 4 years and it is really getting to me it has become an obsession so I have been trying to full the void with material things.
You are so right, I cannot allow this to destroy my marriage - I do feel better having told him but feel awful for betraying him.

Reply to shopaholic
Posted by: Ex Shopaholic | 2012/06/25

About three years ago, I went through the very same thing you are experiencing now! I hated my job and was always miserable (not depressed, depression is a debilitating illness - before you diagnose yourself with depression, please do some research. There is a difference between being unhappy and/or miserable and depression!) Anyway, I worked right across the road from a mall where there were numerous clothing stores and my favourite Woolworths and I too, went way overboard with the store cards and credit cards and just spent wildly everytime I was in one of my moods! When my husband had to sell his car to pay my son''s school fees, I realised what a mess I had made of things as he had to make a big sacrifice (sell his car) so that we could still afford to service all our debts. At one stage, I had to pay in excess of R5000 pm on ONE credit card. I am now paying off all my debts and we are already much better off financially. Do yourself a favour, lock those store and credit cards in a safe, better yet, destroy the cards! You cannot afford to lose your husband because of your spending sprees! I had to live with the knowledge that my husband no longer trusted me with money (I was spending more than our income). I felt ashamed because it was my fault that he had to sell his car and that for several months, we hardly had money for food as we had all this debt to pay. Now, if I do not have money to buy those gorgeous outfits/boots/perfumes etc., I go without. You will have to discipline yourself, and unless you have been diagnosed with depression and are being treated for it, chances are that you are not depressed and just using that " down feeling"  to go on these spending sprees,without thinking of the consequences of your actions. You may wonder why I am telling you this, but I have been there and I have done what you are doing now and all the nicest foods and fashions, will not make you feel better when you no longer have a husband! Good luck, I hope you manage to sort out this problem.

Reply to Ex Shopaholic
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/25

If you have a weakness for wasteful and unnecessary spending to comfort yourself ( instead of finding more effective ways to handle your concerns ) for a start, cut up and cancel the credit card.
If you dont have the money, don't spend it.
How many stunning shoes do you really need ?
Recognize that you cannot trust yourself with money let alone with access to credit ( i/e money that isn't yours ).
As exS correctly says, there is a difference between being depressed and being unhappy.
View your new carefulness as a form of saving to eventually have a child - you surely don't want a child to be born into serious debt.

Reply to cybershrink

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