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Question
Posted by: PG | 2011/03/06

I read ''Teen sexuality''

It made me wonder... When the time comes parents have conversations with their children, if let''s say a daughter asks her mom about her mom''s first sexual experiences, if she was with other men other than her dad etc, what do most mothers answer? Sometimes there are things about our past that we chose not to share with our partners, so it makes sense to keep those things secret from our children too, right? But what if a mother wants to have a relationship with her daughter that is based on openness and truth, what is the mother to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think one should be cautious about encouraging any expectation that talking about sex with children must somehow involve a complete adult confessional. That's not really the child's business, and encourages an inappropriate degree of sharing. Its more important for the parent to share their conclusions, what they have learned from their experiences, of sex and of life.
The basis of the relationship with a child is based on openness and truth ABOUT THE PRESENT and the relationship between them, not a full confession of everything the adult ever did.
As Maria wisely puts it, you also need to demonstrate the right to appropriate privacy. And whereas the child should have limited secrets from the parents while the parents have legal and othwerwise responsibility for the child's well-being, the reverse does not hold.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011/03/08

Hate to tell my kid met his wife at Woodstock and she was part of a GB in the tent. She then was my groupie and we rock and rolled for 4 years till I fell in love with her

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Vaal Donkie | 2011/03/07

Personally, if I had been with a woman before marriage, I''d lie to my son and tell him his mother was my first and only sexual partner. Kids look for hypocrisy from their parents and will latch onto that when making bad decisions.

Reply to Vaal Donkie
Posted by: PUrple | 2011/03/07

I agree with Maria. Sex is something that is part of a loving relationship and nobody should kiss and tell, so I''ll tell my son or my daughter that it isn''t really any of their business, but my private business.

Reply to PUrple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/07

I think one should be cautious about encouraging any expectation that talking about sex with children must somehow involve a complete adult confessional. That's not really the child's business, and encourages an inappropriate degree of sharing. Its more important for the parent to share their conclusions, what they have learned from their experiences, of sex and of life.
The basis of the relationship with a child is based on openness and truth ABOUT THE PRESENT and the relationship between them, not a full confession of everything the adult ever did.
As Maria wisely puts it, you also need to demonstrate the right to appropriate privacy. And whereas the child should have limited secrets from the parents while the parents have legal and othwerwise responsibility for the child's well-being, the reverse does not hold.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2011/03/06

The mother is to tell the child that some areas of her life is private and she chooses not to share them. Being open and honest does not mean you have to tell your child everything. You have a right to privacy, and you have a duty to teach your child to respect other people''s privacy.

Reply to Maria

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