Our expert says:
Its unfortunate that whoever was providing medical care for her after the rape did not set up proper testing for the years afterwards, to check for the very real possibility of an HIV infection. If someone is really very reluctant to talk about a rape, the chances are that she really hasn't dealt with it, especially if she has not had proper skilled counselling.
She should not have been just left to avoid ARV's simply because they made her feel weird, without again proper counselling about side-effects, how they tend to diminish, and the full benefits of the medication. Promiscuity can be a result of rape, for a variety of reasons and again, is something which should always be dealt with in post-rape counselling.
Of course you have been placed in a difficult and upsetting position not being given enough information to enable you to have been as helpful as you would wish to be.
What you needed to knw is not "all the details" as they are actually irrelevant to her present needs, but to know enough about her diagnosis, risks, and alternatives, to be able to support her in making healthier choices.
So insisting on details isn't likely to be helpful. Do talk to her about how you feel, how you feel worried that you may have seemed uncaring in the past when you were in fact uninformed or misinformed, and how you worry about how to be most helpful to her. let the focus of the comversation be on helping each other face a sad situation that was forced upon her, rather than on issues of any mutual blame or argument.
Rather encourage her to see the right sort of helpers, counsellor and HIV specializing doctor.
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