Posted by: Ronell | 2013-01-23

I need to decide and need help

I am in a relationship for 2.5 years, we dont live together, he has 2 sons and I have a daughter, I have come to a crossroad in this relationship, let me tell you about him: he has been in 3 relationships before first was his marriage which did not work out, he looks after the boys and is a good father but very strict and heartless sometimes towards the kids, he is a reliable guy good working record, never lies, hates it if someone else does, does not cheat, BUT his parents lives on his plot and are always fighting, he has the most difficult father, always cross, fighting with his wife and was n very abusive father toward his son, and this really reflect in our relationship, whenever we fihgt he becomes so heartless, I can not disagree on anything then he takes it personally and shuts down totally no contact ie: sms email talking on the phone, we are on that spot again, been like this for the last 3 weeks, today he sends me a mail saying I should tell him what have I decided on doing in this relationship, I honestly dont know!!!!! will he ever change....I must also mention he is much better than in the beginning...I am very good friends with his kids and actually treat them like my own...please I have prayed and asked for God to guide me, I need to know what to do, I love this guy for his good qualities, but in the sametime are so unhappy with him sometimes...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he has some excellent qualities, but maintaining a happy relationship may not be one of them, and apparently not something he had any chance of learning from his parents.
Maybe a friendship rather than a closer relationship could be continued ; I wonder whether he'd even take seriously a possibility of coples counselling and contemplate really changing for the better ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mina | 2013-02-06

Hi Ronell. I have no answer to your post. However, I just want to say that even in the most heated fights couples generally do not feel they don''t love their partner. It''s children who, in fighting with others - including their parents - say things like " i hate you"  or " i don''t love you" . Adult can make a distinction between anger at a person, and feelings of love or lack thereof. I would be really concerned about that part if I were you.

Reply to Mina
Posted by: Pink | 2013-01-24

I think this guy have some physcological problems,Is either his personality its just like that or he learnt from parents,So if you continue ont expect any change as a person is not that u can change into anything that u like. Move on sister and God will provide the better or unless u ready to live that kind of life then continue

Reply to Pink
Posted by: kgee | 2013-01-23

yes its possible sometimes,if you fight with someone u love sometimes u feeel like u dont love him/her anymore but wat learnt is dat when u a angry u make some stuped decision then later u regret that,plz plz ask him face to face then you can make decision after that gud luck

Reply to kgee
Posted by: Ronell | 2013-01-23

Just to add to my first posting, I emailed him earlier and ask him if he loves me, and he said everytime we fight he feels that he doesn''t love me anymore...Is this normal or possible?

Reply to Ronell
Posted by: XXX | 2013-01-23

I think this guy has relationship issues &  if you really want to give it a chance,he needs some serious help with a counsellor.
There are serious warning bells here,tread carefully

Reply to XXX
Posted by: PUrple | 2013-01-23

I think you already have the answer.

If you lived with him or married him - things would probably be like this a lot of the time.

All people have good and bad qualities, but sometimes the bad ones are so bad that its not worth hanging around for the good ones.

Reply to PUrple

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