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Question
Posted by: ............. | 2012/08/17

I need quck advice

I want to end my marriage but scared of my husband, i have a protection order against him, we stay same house. But i am too scared. When ever i am late from work he follows me and if i say i am somewhere with friends, he goes to my friends house to check if its true. I am just too scared of him and don''t know what to do, now i am suffering from constant headaches and pain below my breast because i think too many things. How do i go about this, i feel too scared, if i am late from work he suspects i am with a man, yesterday he came to the venue while i was in a business meeting and yelled by calling 10 times, he confirmed my car was parked there, afterward he left, he thought i am in some mans house or what i am not too sure. He has trust issues and its been four years now.I feel so scared to tell him, but i told him i am with him because he is forcing me to do that. What if he kills me or becomes violent if i say i want to leave. I tried everything in the book to solve our issues no luck. When angry he goes to his mom and sleeps there and i just keep quite. I think he is a physcopath.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

URGENTLY contact POWA ( their local number should be in the phone book ) for help and advice on how most safely to leave an abusive person like this, and with their assistance. Protection orders are usually ineffective while you continue to share the same home.
He sounds pathologically jealous, and potentially dangerous. Discuss this with POWA and with the police, and try to arrange a safer exit, such as going to stay with family or friends WITHOUT warning him in advance. Later, the police can escort you home to fetch your things. Does he not have a job ? ( It sounds as though he has far too much time to sit around bothering about you.).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tosang | 2012/08/20

I need advise as well- I have been married for three years and me and my husband use protection all the time as he doesnt want to have an HIVtest, he says he is not ready, I want to have children, he has children from a previous relatonship, I don''t know what to do? I have tried talking to him and he gets very aggressive and angry, what must I do, I really love him but I also want to have a child and cannot risk being infected if he has an HI virus

Reply to Tosang
Posted by: Anonymous | 2012/08/20

My husband left my then 3 year old and almost 2 year old son on the side of a highway and drove off. I''ve been so unhappy the past 5 years and I just grin and bear it because of the kids. I don''t have permanent work at this point in time. We just relocated from Cape Town to Johannesburg (at the end of June). He''s had work all of our married life and I''ve been home with the kids and done some part-time work to help as much as I could with finances. I''m SO scared that he''ll get custody if I try to divorce (I can''t afford a good lawyer) and he earns 25k a month. He also claims that I''m crazy and says he''ll use that against me in a custody battle. Please can you give me advice?

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: .............. | 2012/08/20

I am planning to move out while he is away, he has a job and most of the time is late at night since he is in construction management, during the day he is free to follow me around, he also has moves but i hadly worry where he went to as long he is back home on time.. Over the weekend i moved some of my staff to my parents while he was gone, i was thinking of getting my own place but i can''t for now, scared he will trace me. I will go stay with parents 1st and later get a comfy place for me and the child. Thanks all for your responses will keep you posted.

Reply to ..............
Posted by: MaFlo | 2012/08/20

I had a man like that as well, I was so scared of him and he picked up that I was scared and he traumatised me even more, I think you need to see a counsellor who will help you not to fear him first, after that he will pick up that you are not scared of him anymore and it will be easier for you to leave him, also involve the police and get a protection order against him, but remember that piece of paper alone cannot fully protect you. So try to get someone who will help you get rid of your fear for him, remember he is a human being as well and he is playing on your fear for him. Once he realises you are not afraid of him, you will have a bit of ground to leave him....All the best...

Reply to MaFlo
Posted by: fed up as well | 2012/08/20

I know axactly what you are going through. I attended a famikly gathering and my husband''s cousin asked me if I cud help him with his tax issues, I replied and said yes and that he should email his details. I got a call last night and my husband wanted to know why his cousin is mailing me and he screamed and eventaually came home very late. I just ignored him this morning and sit and wonder why I''m actaully with this man? We also have a history of abuse in our marriage. Its funny how a person must always keep them happy and you always need to be on your toes cause anything you say or do can blow in your face.

Reply to fed up as well
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/18

URGENTLY contact POWA ( their local number should be in the phone book ) for help and advice on how most safely to leave an abusive person like this, and with their assistance. Protection orders are usually ineffective while you continue to share the same home.
He sounds pathologically jealous, and potentially dangerous. Discuss this with POWA and with the police, and try to arrange a safer exit, such as going to stay with family or friends WITHOUT warning him in advance. Later, the police can escort you home to fetch your things. Does he not have a job ? ( It sounds as though he has far too much time to sit around bothering about you.).

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: qwerty | 2012/08/17

You need to contact POWA urgently! You can find their info online if you google for them.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Phillipine | 2012/08/17

I think you really need to inform your family (by your family i mean your mother, father and siblings) about what has been happening in your life. And you need to seek advice from the SAPS as to how you handle your situation. You have a very serious and dangerous situation at hand. I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU LEAVE HIM, and live with your family you really need them as Security for your own safety.

Reply to Phillipine

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