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Question
Posted by: Venus | 2008/10/20

I must change or marriage over

The honeymoon is over after a few years of marriage and I find I have become very critical I am of my husband(more so when I' m stressed at work). He is what my friends would think is the perfect husband, he cooks, tidies up, pack the laundry away in fact I think he overfunctions. What annoys me is that he thinks that what he does and thinks is THE RIGHT way and expects everyone in the world to be the way he is. I find myself trying to bring him down to earth - unfortunately this is usually when in company as I get embarrased with him being so pompous. So now I' m raising my hand and saying I' m wrong but how do I deal with this. How do I change and let him be who he is without getting annoyed and embarrased. I feel that he actually has a inferiority complex. He often interrupts whatever story I' m relaying to friends and carries on the story and then I actually stand up for myself and no doubt it' s embarrasing for friends. Can you give some practical advise and I will make a concerted effort to change. PS. He does not like conflict so I tried discussing and writing a letter....which never gets discussed so it gets swept under the carpet and then I feel resentful.

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Our expert says:
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See a mariage counsellor together. Many women would be thrilled to have a husband who behaves as you describe, and part of the problem does seem to lie in your unrealistic expectations and irritation with his otherwise unexceptional good behaviours. so he's a bit pompus ? Such things can be dealt with by tactful discussion ( rather than nagging, which doesn't work ) and by marriage counselling if necessary, especially if he sees it as a way of avoiding the conflict he doesn't like rather than as something he might expect to worsen the conflict.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: me | 2008/10/20

You can' t change him. Do not even try. Find a way to compromise or just let it go. There is no doubt that this man loves you, it seems you might doubt that you love him? Find out who you really are and then see what transpires.
Good luck, it is NOT easy.

Reply to me
Posted by: Anonymous | 2008/10/20

Maybe you attracted to him because you think you could change him but woman marry with the hopes a man would change and men marry with the hope the woman won' t change. But both are wrong.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Cat | 2008/10/20

You have to explain this all very nicely to him. The only way to avoid it is if he knows about it. If he doesn' t know what he' s doing, then how is he going to stop it? You just have to ask him very nicely not to do that.

Reply to Cat

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