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Posted by: Chris | 2011/07/06

I miss the wife I married

I miss the wife I married about 35 years ago!! I am still " married"  to the same woman but she has done so many things and are still doing things that is so not her!!

She is always busy either doing private work or studying, which she started doing this year!! She will be 60 if she gets her degree!!

She had an affair which went horribly wrong for them. Which is good for I could have done something to the man and I could have ended up in jail!! We have not made love in 19 months!!

Taking all of this into consideration, I am stupid for staying with her but I have to for now. I have got my future planned but the time is not right at the moment to put everything into place!!

I am calm and maybe somewhere down deep I might still feel something, that is perhaps why I miss my wife!! How do I get her back??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is her recent behaviour actually untrue to her inner and eternal self ( unlikely ) or shaped by disorder, or just signs of her growth and development, maybe in ways you didn't expect or anticipate ? Why do you feel that studying or doing private work is "not her" ? Presumably it's fulfilling for her ? Maybe these are things she has long wanted to be able to do, but was unable to tackle before now ?
Not making love for an extended period and the affair, does indeed suggest that the relationship is not goping well ( and maybe she has looked in these more intellectual areas, for more satisfaction ) - but marriage counselling can always help improve mutual understanding and content. Your comments sound as though you have planned a future that either doesn't include her, o at least has not included her in the planning. Why is this ? Does she know how much you feel that you miss her ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: .... | 2011/07/06

So what more do you want to hear...she says that woman is long gone..JUST LEAVE MAN!!

Reply to ....
Posted by: Chris | 2011/07/06

Thanks for the reply CS. It is true that I did not anticipate this self assured woman, maybe because we, and I am not a racist when I say this, white men do not have afuture in the organization where I work. I am also close to the age of 60 and way back we discussed our retirement and the plans we had has all gone because she does not plan to retire before she is 65 and said she wants to keep on working.

The future I see for myself is one that does not include her because I cannot wait till she decides to stop working.

I did suggest marraige couselling after her affair but she said she was not ready to go. I must admit that I have the feeling that at the end of this year when our last kid goes on her own, she is going to do the same.

Yes she knows that I miss her, I have told her as much and she just answered that that woman is long gone.

Reply to Chris
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/06

Is her recent behaviour actually untrue to her inner and eternal self ( unlikely ) or shaped by disorder, or just signs of her growth and development, maybe in ways you didn't expect or anticipate ? Why do you feel that studying or doing private work is "not her" ? Presumably it's fulfilling for her ? Maybe these are things she has long wanted to be able to do, but was unable to tackle before now ?
Not making love for an extended period and the affair, does indeed suggest that the relationship is not goping well ( and maybe she has looked in these more intellectual areas, for more satisfaction ) - but marriage counselling can always help improve mutual understanding and content. Your comments sound as though you have planned a future that either doesn't include her, o at least has not included her in the planning. Why is this ? Does she know how much you feel that you miss her ?

Reply to cybershrink

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