Posted by: Soso | 2009-03-31

i love my mother

i have almost a similar problem with brown eyes abt my mother,im 26 nw,i was raised by her parents bt her step father,the guy played a good role in my life as a father since my mother left mi wen i was 2years and also my elder brother mother never liked him i used to call him dad...she got married this side of the country got 2kids along with mystep father' s kids from the late wife. i vzt her this side and i was 10 wen i met the children she used to shout at mi telling mi that i embaras her by nt able to clean nor cook which those children cud, i don know if its bcos they were staying wit i used to feel small around those them...then again wen both my grand-parents past on we had to relocate this side as that house was taken away,and b4 my step-grandfather past on was aiming to send mi to tertiary she refused and said i mus come stay with we r here she wud tell mi how useless i am that i cant do anything infront of everyone incld my that part i feel she shudve atleast talk to mi show mi how to do things cos i didn grow up under her teachings as a young girl...i don wanna lie i am lazy by nature perhaps due to the enviroment we were in while with grandparents...she never blvd in mi with anything i do she never trust mi...i know i was never quite intelligent academically bt im a hard worker...then she decided nt to send mi to college wen i ask if i can register she wud say " where do u think i get money from?" ok fine i wud be quiet,then she sent my sister over that..i managed to get myself a good job and became independent enough to sustain and all that... i moved out...lost my job moved in with a boyfriend then i decided to come home like they say " there is no place like home" im with them and i feel like an outsider disturbing a happy family...i don know if i seek attention or something...everything i say its like not i js got a job now i come home go to my room and my mother again yells at mi that i don want her kids i don know wheres that coming from...i told myself i will nt entertain any negativity or any fights cos the las tym i moved out i felt the pressure then ended up rushing things and made mistakes that were beyond my pocket...its like she doesnt like mi cos everything i say is useless or she js crushes mi like im stupid its like i disgust her...anyway i am moving out again bt until i recover on my debts...some how i feel like she wishes i cud go back and stay with dat boyfriend she complains abt everything i carry a lunch box i have to xplain that i didn have my supper so i carriedover the following day...wen i moved out i told myself i will never contact them or anything like that i wud stay away from them bt i love my family and my mom..she wud also call mi im the only person/child she can confide in she wud tell mi she misses mi how lonely she i miss them wen i do and my older brother suffers he feels like im the only family he has...even when they talking about family they always talk abt my stepfather' s and my half brother and sister they wud ask ques and staff and they never talk about us as family...wen i speak abt my biological father my mother tells mi to shut up and never mention that name in that u think may be she only loves mi when im away,or shud i js stay away from them completely..or cud ths be an excuse of missing my late step-grandfather...we once tried talking things out bt it ended mi staying with friends,kicked out...she never cared as long as i don ruin her marriage...i don think we have a family at all my brother landed in drugs...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Life sure gets compliocated and difficult, doesn't it ? And some people think soap operas on TV are complicated and unreal. Ordinary life among us ordinary people throws so many challenges at us all, plans we make domn't work out for reasons often having nothing to do with us. Mother-daughter relationships are complicated, too. And if a mother did not have good mothering when she is a child, she may not have the basic skills to mother her children well --- sometimes they learn, so that the younger children might get treated better than the older ones. And maybe she feels guilty , remembering that she did not look after you well --- but some people react to feeling guilty, by getting angry at the person they feel guilty about.
Are their older relatives you can discuss these things with, who may be able to guide you ( and maybe her ) ? Maybe someone in the church who could advise, similarly ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Soso | 2009-04-01

i tried discussing this with one of our aunts, she mentioned to her abt her guilt of nt raising mi, bt i let that go,cos i understood in our old system a woman were to relocate to JHB to work at a young age and leave her kids,bt she told mi that i shudn be sharing our problems with other people,nw its like im bad mouthing her.she doesn even like them bcos of some stupid past, and i was very close with my aunts,i show her that i love her now that im working i buy her birthday presents something she' s never got from anyone in her life...i take her kids for shopping bt i realised that im buying their love...i know u trying to help Mr CS bt she doesn even blv in that stupid church...all she says is no one raised her kids bcos she was sending money home...she forgets abt love...and she can still make it up even i havnt stop praying abt this God to help mi be at peace cos if anything happens to her i will be responsible for my siblings,and how is that gona happen if we are nt closer now...thank u Mr..CS for reading the story of my life...

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