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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2011/03/01

I know it''s wrong

I am a 30 yr old female and have been dating my boyfriend for 3 yrs. He has a 4 yr old son from a previous relationship and has told me that there is no way he is having more kids anytime soon. When he is with his son, the whole world stops. I love his son and think he is the cutest thing alive and I think he is the reason I have been so broody lately.

My boyfriend and I agreed not to get married but we live together and our families are ok with it. Problem is I want to have a baby. I don''t use contraceptives but we use condoms. I want to trick him somehow into falling pregnant but don''t know how. He does not drink alcohol so he is always sober-minded. It''s selfish of me but he is also being selfish about not thinking about my needs because he has a son. We are both financially ok so if I do fall pregnant and he leaves, I will be ok. We have both tested for HIV and are ok.

Besides, this issue, we are perfectly fine and in love. How can I get pregnant?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Anne makes so much sense. If you really want to have a child of your own, it doesn't really make sense to have started, let alone to continue, in a firm relationship with someone who is adamant that they do NOT want to have a child.
Tricking someone into impregnating you is a really low trick. He is being honest in telling you how he feels - not sneaky in trying to trick him. I suspect he could ( and certainly he should ) have a basis for legal action against you if you forced him to impregnate you without him agreeing or knowing this was happening.
And think about the real difference between genuine NEEDS and wants. You WANT to bear a child ( you already have a child, his, to enjoy most aspects of parenting a pleasant young child ). You see him as selfish for not wanting to create another child. Is it possible there is some selfishness in your wish to bear a child, without being certain this would be in the very best interests of that child ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liane | 2011/03/01

Yes it wrong, dont fool him into falling pregnant, yes I know he will love the child unconditionaly but you will always know what you did.
Rather find someone who loves you enough to know that this means everything to you and will glady give you a child.

Reply to Liane
Posted by: Anne | 2011/03/01

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread my dear. This will come back to bite you in the worst possible way. If you dig a hole for somebody else, you fall into it yourself. You may be financially ok now, but one never knows, and life is very unpredictable. That may not always be the case, and what then?

Also, it is hard raising a child where there are two parents, being a single mom is hell. Been there done that, and I would definitely not get repeat the experience if I had a choice about it.

If you want a child so badly do the honourable thing - break up with your boyfriend and go out there to meet somebody else that is interested in having a child with you. If you love him madly then accept that that is the way it is going to be. But dont deceive him. That is just low.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/01

Anne makes so much sense. If you really want to have a child of your own, it doesn't really make sense to have started, let alone to continue, in a firm relationship with someone who is adamant that they do NOT want to have a child.
Tricking someone into impregnating you is a really low trick. He is being honest in telling you how he feels - not sneaky in trying to trick him. I suspect he could ( and certainly he should ) have a basis for legal action against you if you forced him to impregnate you without him agreeing or knowing this was happening.
And think about the real difference between genuine NEEDS and wants. You WANT to bear a child ( you already have a child, his, to enjoy most aspects of parenting a pleasant young child ). You see him as selfish for not wanting to create another child. Is it possible there is some selfishness in your wish to bear a child, without being certain this would be in the very best interests of that child ?

Reply to cybershrink

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