Posted by: Flower 1980 | 2010-03-16

I know its my fault

I have been married for 7 years. In the 7 years hubby abuse me twice, there was''nt a weekend that he would''nt go without alcohol. I started to lose my respect for him and lost touch with our love life, hate sleeping with. He was never around wheneve a needed a Husband to console me. I had all the responsibility rested on me, until I got tired. I had a fling on and of with someone and we started a sereous relationship the last year. We love each other dearly. My husband and I have been living in separete room for the last 3 months, the fighting got so bad that I had to move out. Left him with the hous. Now we are in the process of getting divorce, and I am so much more happier although I do feel sad sometimes, like I am missing him,but I know I don''t love him enough to make my marraige work. My problem is my 6 year old son, he seem fine tht we have move, but his a little confuse,,,last week I ask if he is happy he said yes. I intro him to my lover( don''t if that was right or not) He seem to like him. When I ask him must I take his daddy back, he said no, and meantion my lover''s name. But last note when I ask is his happy he said no. I want to be with my love and get divorce but I also want to make my son happy. Should I take him to counselling or not. Please don''t judge

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Flower,

Your child's happiness will be influenced by your own, although not exclusively so. Your concerns for his well being are genuine but remember that as parents, we are role models.
It is true that introducing another partner into your child's life should be done cautiously but you should know whether this person is fine to be included or not. Your needs matter as well as long as they don't interfere with your son's needs.
Although bringing your child to a psychologist may assist him in his confusion, at his age, what he needs most is his parents. Be there for him and do not ask him questions about whether you should take his dad back or not. This is not his decision to make and will feed him insecurities. Rather allow him to have a relationship with his father and be the mom. There is nothing more that he needs. In providing a stable, loving and consistent environment, your child will grow up happy and well adjusted.
I would rather suggest that you seek counselling for yourself to help you clarify your needs and be the best parent you can be.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: GT | 2010-03-17

All children at your son age will be confused when they see there parent are not together anymore. One moment they will say they are happy and the next not. He will need to go to a child psychologist to deal with the separation of his parents as soon as possible.
Also which needs to be taken into account is that children play up seeking attention, they say thing in order for the parent to be happy and they also play each parent up against each other.
This is an extremely difficult time the child will be going through as it can effect them long term if not deal correctly.

It is for the best interest of the child to introduce the child very very slowly into the new relationship.
Out of respect for your child and his future, he should not be introduced into the new relationship untill your divorce is over
Your husband did not abuse you as indicated but a lack of communication, satisfying each other needs, and other related problems, due to this adultery has been committed, which could of been resolved due to counseling and has to be answered one day to the MAN ABOVE.
Divorcing one partner for another has been proven to very seldom work out, as you have to deal with your own personal issued due to the marriage breakdown and divorce.
In most cases the new partner is used as a pillar to hide your anger and frustrations.
The best thing to do is to come to terms with your issues/problems and be comfortable, in harmony with yourself and child before a new relationship can begin as it destined for this new relationship will not work out but a short period of time.

Reply to GT

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