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Question
Posted by: Bily Jean | 2009/11/24

I know it' s right to leave him, but still I' m so sad

Dear Cybershrink,

I' ve been in a destructive relationship that started off with lies. I know I can' t trust him and in the meantime we had a baby boy, now almost 2yrs old. He promised to change and although he stopped drinking and sneaking out, he cannot fend for himself and I can' t and won' t support him financially. So, after seeking advice I asked him to leave for good.

I know it is the wise thing to do, but we have a child, so he' ll always be in my life. I will see him when he visits his child for example. And, I feel incredibly sad and yet I know I had to take this stand, else he' ll always walk over me.

Why then do I not feel relief, but this intense sadness and how can I get past this hurt? How do I also stop attracting men that are no good for me? I seem to have bad luck in that department all my life.

PLEASE give me some guidelines?
Thank you and best regards.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Promises are usually meaningless unless and until they are delivered in continuing actions.
He is an adult and can and must fend for himself - he may well not bother to do so, so long as you support and assist him.
Feel sad, to a degree, because you wish he was otherwise, but do not feel guilty or responsible for his own chosen failures.
Proper CBT-style counselling could help you to feel better about the wise move you have made, and to understand and avoid this repeating pattern

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/24

Promises are usually meaningless unless and until they are delivered in continuing actions.
He is an adult and can and must fend for himself - he may well not bother to do so, so long as you support and assist him.
Feel sad, to a degree, because you wish he was otherwise, but do not feel guilty or responsible for his own chosen failures.
Proper CBT-style counselling could help you to feel better about the wise move you have made, and to understand and avoid this repeating pattern

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