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Question
Posted by: Alone | 2010/10/02

I just don''y know

Since my daughters birth, when I realised that the man I maried was not the man that courted me... I have stayed in a marraige that is not giving anything back to me.

WE used to have huge fights about how he sees life and how I do. We stopped having them years ago as they did not go anywhere. The more I gave the more he wanted. Marraige counseling didn''t work. But I stayed.... because I don''t want to be alone.

But, actually I am! He is not there when I need him, not willing to help! He just wants to receive.

How much can one person give before they run out of life energy?

I cry myself to sleep at night.. he doesn''t even notice, and if he does he doesn''t care.

I''m so scared. I''m so alone. What should I do? Should I do anything... should I just keep on keeping on?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think sometimes, if good marriage counselling by a competent counsellor, doesn't work, there is often a need for at least one of the couple to move on into individual counselling. As aduolts, we need to learn to be confident and comfortable alone - and are then more free to form good relationships, too.
And, as you've discovered by perhaps compromising too comprehensively, you can be very alone while technically within a relationship.
I don't see a great deal of point in carrying on LIKE THIS, but it's the like this that needs to change. See a shrink ( if possible ) for a proper assessment - you may understandably have become depressed, and deserve treatment for that, and maay need personal therapy / counselling to work out what is now best for you and how to achieve that

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/02

I think sometimes, if good marriage counselling by a competent counsellor, doesn't work, there is often a need for at least one of the couple to move on into individual counselling. As aduolts, we need to learn to be confident and comfortable alone - and are then more free to form good relationships, too.
And, as you've discovered by perhaps compromising too comprehensively, you can be very alone while technically within a relationship.
I don't see a great deal of point in carrying on LIKE THIS, but it's the like this that needs to change. See a shrink ( if possible ) for a proper assessment - you may understandably have become depressed, and deserve treatment for that, and maay need personal therapy / counselling to work out what is now best for you and how to achieve that

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