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Question
Posted by: Megan | 2010/01/12

I just don' t understand him ...

A while ago I received an email from a guy I went to school with some 29 odd years ago! He told me that he had a huge crush on me at school and that he was too scared to tell me at that stage as I was one of the so-called " popular girls"  and he was one of the quiet, shy guys! We started chatting via email (he lives overseas) and he said things to me that no " happily married"  man should say to another woman! I reacted rather badly to something he has asked me and he then decided to no longer have any contact with me! I have not seen him since we left school and had no contact with him until he found me via other school friends on a social network. Why do I feel so sad then that we are no longer to have any contact? I am not presently in a relationship and I know I will never get to see this man as he has no intention of returning to SA - he has been residing overseas for 12 yrs already! Why do I feel so empty inside? I think about him constantly ...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its a rather abstract sort of sadness, isn't it, Megan ? You haven't lost anything you actually had - what you may have lost is a fantasy, at most a possibility that turned out not to be what you expected. SO remind yourself, what you feel you have lost is something you never had and never would have had - he was interested, it seems, at m,osty, in some virtual flirting, and he doesn't seem to have been sincerely interested in yoru feelings or interests. This experience has reminded you that you are not currently in a relationship, and that you would like to be.
COntinue in the usual ways to be open to meeting actual, real men, with whom you could have a real relationship.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/12

Its a rather abstract sort of sadness, isn't it, Megan ? You haven't lost anything you actually had - what you may have lost is a fantasy, at most a possibility that turned out not to be what you expected. SO remind yourself, what you feel you have lost is something you never had and never would have had - he was interested, it seems, at m,osty, in some virtual flirting, and he doesn't seem to have been sincerely interested in yoru feelings or interests. This experience has reminded you that you are not currently in a relationship, and that you would like to be.
COntinue in the usual ways to be open to meeting actual, real men, with whom you could have a real relationship.

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