Our expert says:
OK, so he might have been able to prevent this heart attack, and may need to learn to switch to a healthier life-style. But your harsh and rather self-righteous response will understandably bother people --- it is guaranteed NOT to help him move towards a healthier life-style, and sounds more as though you were happy he is at risk of death, and glad to be able to blame him for his own problems. With someone like an alcoholic, admittedly, their repeated crises and self-inflicted woes may indeed wear out one's patience and compassion.
Are you uyouself totally without blame, leading a blameless healthy and perfect life ? If you should experience some serious health problem or risk due to some of your own behaviour, would you expect everyone to respond to you in exactly the same way you are responding to these members of your family ? Or would you expect a little more understanding and helpfulness ?
I don't think anyone should have expected you to kneel weeping at the bedside, wallowing in compassion. But couldnt you have expressed yourself more gently, expressing regret that he was experiencing this crisis, and suggesting that you'd like to help him adopt more heart-healthy ways, as his doctors were likely to suggest, understanding that such advice is easy to give and not so easy to carry out ?
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