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Question
Posted by: Unique | 2010/08/16

I hate my degree - cont

CS it appears you didn''t fully understand my post.

1. Yes a bursary was the only option for me. Being from Rural KZN there weren''t many options. Even though I had good matric result no bank would give me loan ''cos my house in the rural area didn''t count as much security. I''m happy with the choice I made at the time ''cos it gave me a career. I mentioned as a way of explaining how i chose my current field.

2. The hardships you mention were my life too - even from a very young age. They were my life until I had a job. I did odd jobs at varsity to afford toiletries etc. I am very gratefull that the bursary paid for my meals at least.

3.I said when i move into a new job I thought I was happy. This is unfortunate because it turned out to be not true. Life moved on during these times...marriage, kids, bonds etc.

4.You may be right I might not be clear on what I want - more on what I don''t want. But How do i solve this. i know I enjoy what i do in my small buss. I have other entrepreneurial ideas I want to pursue - that''s it. I do worry that by nature entrepreneurs are optimist so I don''t want to inconvinience my family by leaving my job because of entrepreneurial enthusiam...

5. Scarce skill is mentioned because it appears to be a string around my neck! I''m not allowed transfers etc.

Why did I write here: Cos I''m frustrated!. I want this whole thing to end. I think the 5 year plan is too long. I have to decide whether to study next year or not. I worry that I might be taking too much time from my kids.Smetimes I think I should just carry on with business, pay off debt, quit corporate, then study something else. it just seems like such a long process....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Having worked for some time, unpaid, in rural Natal, I know something of the background you experienced.
OK, so you were mistaken in thinking the one new job would make you happy. I'm still not clear from both your messages what it is you DO really want to do, and what WOULD make you happy. Maybe some counselling would help you clarify that. If you don't know where you want to get to, you can't decide how to get there from here.
There does seem to be a real hint in the pleasure you seem to get from your small side-business. I agree that while some people have a real talent as entrepreneur ( and you may well be one of them ) even here in the forum I hear from so many people with problems in that regard, often the spouse of someone who gave up everything secure to engage in a entrepreneurial plan which failed utterly, and where it soon became clear they didn't have the talent or instincts they thought. It would have ben better had they done, as you have done, and started quietly on the side, in their spare time, to check out the market for their sort of plan, and their own relevant skills.
Interesting point you make about the "scarce skills" as a handicap - it's supposed to be such a great advantage, but obviously not so if people are able to use it to tie you down and stop you developing and extending your talents. I wonder how "not allowing transfers" and so on fits within labour law ? Or is that a time-limited restriction that was a condition of the bursary ?
Are part-time studies a possibility in the field that interests you ?
Maybe it's a good thing that you're impatient ( so many people are not impatient enough ) but sometimes the slower route is surer and ends up giving you more freedom than leaping into something with a higher risk of failure.
Is it possible to carry on at work to pay off debt and start a nest-egg, but keep on the siodeline business and part-time studies ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: ordinary | 2010/08/17

Do you suffer from depression at all? Perhaps you may be because you are uncertain and kind of can''t make decisions. Have you thought of getting yourself a coach - someone can work with you - only you can make your own decisions, no one else is living in your own shoes.

It does sound extremely frustrating. Perhaps you had expectations of feeling settled and financially as well as emotionally and mentally. This doesn''t seem the case. Your medium and long term goals now may have changed - moving the goalposts means changing your perception and expectations too!

Perhaps you need to define exactly what you want - write down the pros and cons of each decision you take, the consequences. Are you perhaps impatient and being too hard on yourself?

Life ain''t easy Unique, as your nic is unique and you are unique as we all are. Be kind to yourself and just don''t sweat the small stuff... write down what you are grateful for instead of focussing on what you are not wanting or unhappy about! Once you begin to do that, perhaps you will feel differently.

Good luck!

Reply to ordinary
Posted by: Unique | 2010/08/16

Starting a nest-egg + partime studies is what I''m trying to do. It''s just hard to stay motivated for 5 years...

Reply to Unique
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/16

Having worked for some time, unpaid, in rural Natal, I know something of the background you experienced.
OK, so you were mistaken in thinking the one new job would make you happy. I'm still not clear from both your messages what it is you DO really want to do, and what WOULD make you happy. Maybe some counselling would help you clarify that. If you don't know where you want to get to, you can't decide how to get there from here.
There does seem to be a real hint in the pleasure you seem to get from your small side-business. I agree that while some people have a real talent as entrepreneur ( and you may well be one of them ) even here in the forum I hear from so many people with problems in that regard, often the spouse of someone who gave up everything secure to engage in a entrepreneurial plan which failed utterly, and where it soon became clear they didn't have the talent or instincts they thought. It would have ben better had they done, as you have done, and started quietly on the side, in their spare time, to check out the market for their sort of plan, and their own relevant skills.
Interesting point you make about the "scarce skills" as a handicap - it's supposed to be such a great advantage, but obviously not so if people are able to use it to tie you down and stop you developing and extending your talents. I wonder how "not allowing transfers" and so on fits within labour law ? Or is that a time-limited restriction that was a condition of the bursary ?
Are part-time studies a possibility in the field that interests you ?
Maybe it's a good thing that you're impatient ( so many people are not impatient enough ) but sometimes the slower route is surer and ends up giving you more freedom than leaping into something with a higher risk of failure.
Is it possible to carry on at work to pay off debt and start a nest-egg, but keep on the siodeline business and part-time studies ?

Reply to cybershrink

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