advertisement
Question
Posted by: Mina | 2011/09/06

I hate her still

I worked at my previous job for almost 5 years. Last year they hired a new manager that treated everyone like idiots. She would call us to the office for petty things and told us that we are useless. At first I did not react much to all these, but then she started putting all her energy on me. She called me names in front of colleagues and no one would say anything. When I would say something I got written warnings. I reported her to the big bosses but they responded by saying that we should take responsibilities for our work, but that did not relate to work at all.
The problem I had as well was that our bosses did not have a problem with our work until she came.
I have since resigned when I a day would not go by without crying about something she did to me. All my dreams and goals down the drain. I am working for a different company now, but I do something completely different. I loved my previous job so much. I think about it all the time and apply for similar posts, but I can''t seem to get rid of the hatred that keeps growing each day for this lady. I think evil thoughts about her. I think about her every single day for most hours of the day.... I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!! How could I make myself not to think about her so much even at all.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its remarkable how many really dreadful managers there, isn't it ? And a manager needs to be pretty useless to feel there's value in her telling workers that they are useless.
Apparently the other bosses werent very capable either, or they would have noticed her bad behaviour and taken responsibility for it. And presumably if there was an HR person or department, they were not very capable, either.
Maybe you needed to speak to a good labour lawyer, to protect your rights not to be harrassed, certainly before resigning.
Right now, its sounds as though you need and deserve to see a good personal counsellor, to free yourself from that bitterness. IN a very significant way, it means that you've packed that horrible person in your bag, and you're carrying her around with you. Discard her ! Yes, of course she is totally hateful - and I'm sure there are many other people who can and do hate her, possibly herself included.
But there's no point in your wasting your own time and happiness on hating you - it harms you and not her. Celebrate, each day, that she is no longer around and unable to upset you further. And find all there is to enjoy and succeed in, in your new job

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Mina | 2011/09/06

Thanks guys,

I am actually crying as I am reading your comments because I blame myself all the time, that it must have been my fault to be treated like this and why me. And yes my self esteem has gone down the drain, I think that is the sole reason driving me each day to think about bad things happening to her so that she will feel the hurt I did and still do feel.

At the moment I am not brave enough to take her or the company to CCMA, I think it will take a lot from me to do that, but I will keep it in mind and do some research in the meantime.

Thanks

Reply to Mina
Posted by: Romany | 2011/09/06

Hi Mina, I agree with Liza. You should persue this with the CCMA.
If you do not want to do this and get your own back, just know that " The wheel always turn" for every single one of us. This is fact. Sometimes it takes long, but the wheel turns and she will get double back what she dished out to you.
And no, you do not have to hate her and you do not have to wish bad things on her.
Karma will sort her out.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Liza | 2011/09/06

PS. You can still sue the company for constructive dismissal. A labor lawyer or even the CCMA can help with this.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Liza | 2011/09/06

Sounds exactly like a boss I''ve had. And yes, I still hate him. (Hate is too tame a word actually.) I''ll still hate him fifty years from now. The obsession does fade as time goes by even if the hate does not. In my case it was entirely his fault that I was unemployed for 3 years.

I firmly believe in karma. What comes around, goes around. With this guy I would really like to be there when it happens though! I''ve even indulged in the daydream of cutting off his gonads and feeding it to him... Not that I''ll ever do something like that, but the imaginary picture is very satisfying. The obsessive thoughts mostly stopped after I could no longer think of any original, painful and humiliating things to do to him.

See a psychologist to work on the self-esteem that this boss broke down, work out a career plan to get back to doing work you enjoy and never give up because you CAN get there.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/06

Its remarkable how many really dreadful managers there, isn't it ? And a manager needs to be pretty useless to feel there's value in her telling workers that they are useless.
Apparently the other bosses werent very capable either, or they would have noticed her bad behaviour and taken responsibility for it. And presumably if there was an HR person or department, they were not very capable, either.
Maybe you needed to speak to a good labour lawyer, to protect your rights not to be harrassed, certainly before resigning.
Right now, its sounds as though you need and deserve to see a good personal counsellor, to free yourself from that bitterness. IN a very significant way, it means that you've packed that horrible person in your bag, and you're carrying her around with you. Discard her ! Yes, of course she is totally hateful - and I'm sure there are many other people who can and do hate her, possibly herself included.
But there's no point in your wasting your own time and happiness on hating you - it harms you and not her. Celebrate, each day, that she is no longer around and unable to upset you further. And find all there is to enjoy and succeed in, in your new job

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement