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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/05/08

I feel terrible...

My 4y old daughter progressed to higher classes @ creche quicker than usual and at first we were very proud parents ''cause our daughter was doing exceptionally well'' according to the teachers. Now that she is 4 she''s already in the grade RR class (I asked her teacher to move her into this class as she has been in the previous class for almost 2years already). At first, my reasons for doing so, was that she could rather spend another 2 years in the Grade RR class instead of a 3rd year in the class she''s already been in for 2years. Little did I know it would affect her emotionally. Luckily this morning, 3 months down the line, I finally realised that she is not emotionally ready for this class. She has been telling me that she doesn''t want to go to school anymore but she didn''t always given me a reason why. Only this morning, and on one previous occasion, did she mention that no one wants to play with her. I spoke to her teacher this morning and she told me that it is true, almost all of the kids is physically bigger and older and emotionally stronger than she is, she grew up with most of them from the baby class but now they have all outgrown her. She plays with a different group every day untill they tell her she is not welcome in their group anymore and this is what made me realise that I MUST do something about it now before it''s too late. I''m just so angry that the teachers didn''t pick this up earlier and tell me about it. Everytime she complained about not wanting to go to school I thought she was just playing me so she could stay home ( it did however stay in the back of my mind, but I just was''nt sure). It''s so hard being a parent! With all this said, I made a decision this morning for the school to move her back to her old class where she still have some friend from before. Is this the right thing to do? Can you please give me some advice for any future emotional support in this regard?
Thank you in advance

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its never easy being a parent, even though it can be so fulfilling. If it starts to seem really easy, you know you're missing something.
I think we actually know very little about creche "classes" and levels, and that nobody's genuinely an expert on all that.
At this age, I suspect success or problems depend more on social groupings ( as implied in your message ) rather than educational or even general psychological factors. tests are really nor reliable at these ages. It shouldn't be about "success" or Failure. They should just be busy being kids.
One can't rate these kids on intellectual abilities - in a very real sense they don't yet have intellectual abilities.

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Posted by: Baran | 2012/05/29

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Reply to Baran
Posted by: Romany | 2012/05/08

Well done Anon !! Let her learn and grow at her own pace and be VERY proud of every single achievement, no matter how small.
After all.... you as mommy nows her abilities and achievements best, not a teacher that compares her with other kidsthat you know absolutely nothing about.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Nini | 2012/05/08

Shame dear, I too have a daughter that is considered advanced for her age. When I looked at our options for perhaps higher class, I was given the best advice, that I''m hoping will apply to you:

Children on not just rated on their intelectual abilities. All the factors need to be considred any decisions are made. Physical ability, emotional stability and awareness, mental capacity, and of course intelectual abilities. So although your daughter is intelectually ready for a bigger class, physically &  emotionally she is not. One day when she reaches grade 1 or 2 and she needs to compete in a race or something, she wont be the same as her peers - and she will most likely be required to compete with the younger kids closer to her age. And if she does in fact compete in her current class, she will be physically behind. So in the long run we need to consider all the aspects.

My advice would be to leave her in the class for her age, or at least the class where she currently has friends still. And over the years as she matures then you can start looking at your options. But as for now, let her be a 4 year old... along with all her 4 year old friends.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Anon | 2012/05/08

Hi Romany,

I didn''t mean that I thought my child was EXTRA SPECIAL or GIFTED, I meant that I was as proud as any other parent would be if you were let to believe your child was progressing faster than her piers untill you realise that it was just as you say, at matter of more adult attention than the next child. I never wanted to push my child into performing I just didn''t want her to become board in her class but what I didn''t realise was how the EMOTIONS would come into play at this age. I''m just glad I realised this now and I will most definitely not make the same mistake with my son.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Romany | 2012/05/08

Hi Anon
In my experience (and opinion), it is advisable to let your child follow the " process" . Never assume that your child is more clever or gifted than the next one... especially at this very young age it is impossible to establish. Your child may get more adult attention than the next child and thus " appear"  more " advanced" , it is not necesarily true (unles ofcourse a professional has established these facts by tests etc etc).
So, go with the flow, let your daughter be a child for as long as possible. All things in the process are required to build caracter, from crawling to eating dirt and dogfood, to unpacking the plastic cupboard....
Don''t pressurise, you may just be most embarrased one day soon if you carry on assuming your baby is more " special"  than the next person''s baby.....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/08

Its never easy being a parent, even though it can be so fulfilling. If it starts to seem really easy, you know you're missing something.
I think we actually know very little about creche "classes" and levels, and that nobody's genuinely an expert on all that.
At this age, I suspect success or problems depend more on social groupings ( as implied in your message ) rather than educational or even general psychological factors. tests are really nor reliable at these ages. It shouldn't be about "success" or Failure. They should just be busy being kids.
One can't rate these kids on intellectual abilities - in a very real sense they don't yet have intellectual abilities.

Reply to cybershrink

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