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Question
Posted by: 1st time mom | 2010-05-06

i feel like the worst mom ever..

Hi, sometimes i feel like the worst mother ever. I am currently a stay at home mom to my 1st baby, he is 9 months old. However sometimes when i do things wrong, like for example, when he cries and it takes a while for me to find out what is going on, then i feel bad. I think : this poor child....
I try to do my best, but sometimes things happen that i cant control, then i feel so bad.
I went shopping with him the other day, and he started crying uncontrolably, i did not know what to do with him, when we finally got to the car , i realised the time and thought , he must be hungry already... And that was it, he was hungry. I felt really bad afterwards, i could have avoided him crying so much, if i just paid more attention....
Please help !!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Bad mothers NEVER fear that they are bad mothers. Kids cry - that's their vocabulary. And because it's a pretty crude language, generally indicating no more than dissatisfaction without any hints at what is wrong, it takes ANY mother, however caring and intelligent, a time to find out what's needed.
babies also often reflect the mother's mood, so if you allow yourself to feel awful for something you think you did less than perfectly, he may feel miserable just because you feel that way.
My old friend John Bowlby and others who specialized in the psychology of child development, very valuably wrote of the "Good Enough Mother". Fotunately, children do not need magnificant mothers ( though most of them are fortunate enough to have one ) - they need a mother who is good enough, and above the level of neglect. You're far above that level.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: 1st time mom | 2010-05-07

Thank you very much everybody. Your commets really helped...

Reply to 1st time mom
Posted by: Purple | 2010-05-07

You''re a wonderful mother. As you care enough to worry about being a good mother, you clearly care how you look after your child. No parent is perfect - give yourself a break.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Racoon | 2010-05-06

Hey, forgive yourself immediately 1st time mom! we all know exactly who you feel. You''re doing a great job! AS CS said - Bad mothers NEVER fear that they are bad mothers.

Reply to Racoon
Posted by: Shelby | 2010-05-06

Hi Mom,

I am a 2nd time Mom, also with a 9 month old and he cries and it sill takes me a while to figure out what is the matter. I check his nappy, feed him, give him a bottle and if all else fails, we go for a stroll in his push chair. He likes the wind in his face and calms down. My baby is teething and I know when my wisdom teeth came out as a teenager, I nearly died from the pain, so I can sort of imagine what my baby is going through. I rub his gums with Vidol powders and this seems to help.

There is nothing wrong with you, keep up the good work, I think you are a good Mom!

Reply to Shelby
Posted by: dinky | 2010-05-06

Dearest 1st time mom,

Please dont worry about this as all of us went throught exactly the same thing but people dont usually talk about it. My son (now almost 4) was born via c-section, his first night he cried so much I felt scared and didn''t know what to do... after calming him the nurse came in during the night and asked when he was fed.... I was so overwhelmed with the feeling of meeting him that I didn''t event think about feeding... I felt bad.

I still feel like I missed the first 6months of my child as I was so worried about what I did wrong and what people thought of me as a mother.... God wouldn''t have given you that baby if he thought you were a bad mother...

Be restfull to this mother thing otherwise you are going to waste the best time ever with your son, 9months is such a great and fun age...

Reply to dinky
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-06

Bad mothers NEVER fear that they are bad mothers. Kids cry - that's their vocabulary. And because it's a pretty crude language, generally indicating no more than dissatisfaction without any hints at what is wrong, it takes ANY mother, however caring and intelligent, a time to find out what's needed.
babies also often reflect the mother's mood, so if you allow yourself to feel awful for something you think you did less than perfectly, he may feel miserable just because you feel that way.
My old friend John Bowlby and others who specialized in the psychology of child development, very valuably wrote of the "Good Enough Mother". Fotunately, children do not need magnificant mothers ( though most of them are fortunate enough to have one ) - they need a mother who is good enough, and above the level of neglect. You're far above that level.

Reply to cybershrink

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