Posted by: gundu | 2013-02-08

i feel like just going back and wipe everything

hi Guys,

days are not the same ,sometimes i feel string and sometimes i just feel like forgetting about it all and going back to the husband that belittled , and bad mouthed me to his family and relatives .
who was never satisfied about who i am and didnt appreciate me , eventualy i took a stand and left him and im now staing with my perent, the divorce date is nextweek friday and on the othersidde he is begging me to forgive him , but all along when i tried to reach out to him he just diregarded my concerns .

my brain tells me that if i go back he will go back to his ways just like he always does . but my heart says give him a chance(stupid heart)
but i keep telling myself no said its going to be easy .he is bipolar
but he refuses to get help ,so chances are he will mistreat me
after a while guys please i need your tough love rite now and some hard core truth.
he has taken my car that he bought for me , he keeps saying he will give it back ,i have just about givin up, how can someone who claimes to love you do something so horrible to his wife , my mind tells me that if he realy cared he was going to give me mya car back

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Posted by: Zee | 2013-02-08

" becuse if u truly are sorry and want to make thing work with ur spouse ,you would do anything and everything to make her see that ypu are willing to change"  . This is your answer right here, you said it!

In your heart, you know the truth. Loving someone is sometimes not enough. You need to do more introspection, picture your life a year or two from now, how it would be with or without him! Cars and money are just things, you peace of mind, peace, etc, is worth so much more.

Please think some more and do what is best for you, not for him

Reply to Zee
Posted by: gundu | 2013-02-08

many thanks JR , ya basicaly he is saying if i want all the benefit( car, money, ) i knw where to find him .
so in my sober mind i knw thats is a trap , becuse if u truly are sorry and want to make thing work with ur spouse ,you would do anything and everything to make her see that ypu are willing to change .

their are so many hurtful things he has domne i will just mension one that i have just been aware of . he went and told my cusin thet he neverly realy loved me , the person he realy loved from the word go was my cusin , so he just want to say that he is willing to wait for my causin even if it takes her 5 years to come back but he will be waiting for her , so when i confronted him he denied it and he still adamant that my cusin is a liar she was the one that was making moves on him all along , so i asked him but why didnt u tell me ? he says because i would have not believed him ...........
guys how can i ever go back to a man who goes behind my back and speakes bad about me so that he can get into bed with my causins i being unreal if i say im going ahead with the divorce??
im hurting and im emotional , im just so scared that i will make a dicision that i will regret , but then again when i look at the fact i can see that this man is unreal

Reply to gundu
Posted by: JR | 2013-02-08

If he is bipolar and he refuses to do something about it, you are quite right thinking that your relationship will be same old same old.

I don''t per se have anything against exes getting back together, but, it has to be a new, different and healed relationship - you both spent time working on yourselves and changing the things you BOTH (not just him) need to change to make your relationship work.

He cannot blackmail you by saying if you come back he will give you back your car. ( did I understand correctly that is what you are saying?) That is rubbish.

If you do go back to him, just know that you need to do it with your eyes wide open, and, I don''t want to use the word expecting because if you expect it you will create it, but knowing that it could very well be like it always was. If this is the route you take, you will have to guard your heart for at least as long as it takes for you to be sure that things are different and better, or else you will get hurt again. This is a problem, because you will be so busy guarding your heart, that you will not be totally invested in your relationship.

If you cannot see positive change, in your shoes, I would not go back. If there is change for the better, then I would consider giving it a go, but the key word is CHANGE, and change does not happen overnight. You must be totally convinced (the head and the heart must be in agreement) that you are doing the right thing. If you have as much as a smidge of doubt, don''t do it.

Good luck

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