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Question
Posted by: Troy | 2011/09/28

I feel like I am choosing him over my daughter

I feel really bad I feel like I am choosing him over my daughter. I feel like I have to end the relationship with him to be with my daughter only my daughter but I love him. I told my daughter ( 13 ) this morning to not compete with adults and she should know she is young and stop doing what my boyfriend is doing she is the youngest in the house and she should leave by the rules. Ok this is how it started.
While we were watching TV last night I noticed my daughters quietness since she is always the loudest. I asked her what was wrong and she just said nothing. Knowing her I knew something was not right. Then later on she told me she is ignoring my boyfriend cause he is also ignoring her and she felt like it is not fair because I only question her then I told her what I mentioned above. Then I separately spoke to my boyfriend and he said he is just giving my daughter what she deserves just to make her feel how it is. I did not say much to him.
And now I feel really bad that I had to lecture my daughter and I did not give the old man same lecture that I gave my girl. And again why should he act like he is 13 I mean he is 35. I hate it and I feel like I am choosing him over my little girl. What should one do. We moved in together in March 2011 after dating for 15 months

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I rather agree with K. You like him, but this isn't necessarily love ; and love for your daughter must come first. EVEARYONE in the house should abide by the same rules - not only her, but also you and any friend of yours.
I'm puzzled by her comment that it's "not fair" that your bf is ignoring her - does she really want him to pay attention to her ? Actually, they both sound immature, and a bit spiteful. You're absolutely right - at 35, it's more than high time he grew up and stopped competing with a kid of 13.




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Our users say:
Posted by: K | 2011/09/28

did you ask your daughter about the arrangement before moving in with the guy?

When you decide to have kids, their needs are first.

Living with a guy when you still have kids and they are not happy.......bad bad bad. They will end up hating the home and either resenting you for life, or picking up bad parenting habits, or will shack up with the first boyfriend she has at age 16.

NEVER EVER choose some guy over your kids.

Reply to K
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/28

I rather agree with K. You like him, but this isn't necessarily love ; and love for your daughter must come first. EVEARYONE in the house should abide by the same rules - not only her, but also you and any friend of yours.
I'm puzzled by her comment that it's "not fair" that your bf is ignoring her - does she really want him to pay attention to her ? Actually, they both sound immature, and a bit spiteful. You're absolutely right - at 35, it's more than high time he grew up and stopped competing with a kid of 13.




Reply to cybershrink

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