Our expert says:
Maybe this is a bit more of a risk in "first and onlys" - some people seem to think that sleeping with a number of other people should be on their bucket list, and its some form of human right they denied themselves by settling into a relationship early on. It's not, of course. But they can become curious, and feel they missed out on something, and, even bigger error, that indulging in a spot of promiscuity now would somehow enhance their lives, rather than ruining their current relationship and adding a few probably grubby and unsatisfying minor experiences.
Low self-esteem, etc., would be predictable, and he should discuss these longings for promiscuity with his shrink. However, his shrink sounds dramatically foolish, if he actually made the stupid and utternly unhelpful suggestion that "he should have had a few flings" before setling with you. UNless the shrink provides am free ticket on a time machine, advice that you SHOULD have done something you didn't do and cant do ( he cannot now have anything BEFORE he met you ) is simply damaging and deeply unhelpful.
So maybe a more mature and sensible shrink is needed, and maybe couples counselling, too.
For a married man to still be partying until as late at night as he can get away with, is immature and deeply selfish.
Sounds like you are too busy looking after his health, and he isn't busy enough doing this, which is entirely HIS responsibility. If one can use such a word and apply it to him.
That he is now doing drugs behind your back, and telling his sister and not you, is also selfish and bad.
And how can she think you changed him for the worse - worse than his ?
You CANNOT "deal with this like 2 reasonable adults" because one of you, namely him is not and apparently never has been, a reasonable adult.
Consider getting legal advice about protecing your rights, and if he wants to go, let him go, and discover the fruits of his foolishness.
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