Posted by: D | 2009-10-14

I feel disappointed in myself


When I fell pregnant my uterus did a 360 degree turn and blocked itself off for 3 months which is not uncommon in some woman, that was the start to my downward spiral away from sex, my pregnancy was uncomfortable and I had pneumonia before I gave birth (due to wrong diagnosis) and the recovery was painful after c-section, evrything was just too painful, which obviously scarred me emotionally.
During my pregnancy I felt bad for my boyfriend but satisfied him orally..........which was just deserved compared to all the back rubs I suckered him

Now over a year later and I can count the times we have had sex, I of course have no interest in intercourse and make every excuse in the book, but what I do enjoy si pleasureing myself without penetration....he of course doesnt know this, I read up on vaginismus(sp?)...a fear of penetration, could I have emotionally led myself to this, before the pregnancy I enjoyed sex enormously, couldnt get enough of it, my boyfriend was the first partner to make me reach orgasms........

So you can understand my confusion, I know the answers of blaming it on the pregnancy and its normal and I should try harder ad so forth, but I am at that point, where I wish I could just take a pill and it would bring my interest in sex back, because I do get extremely horny and pleasuring myself is preferred, I love my boyfriend emensely...........hence confusion.......

Thank for the time taken to respond

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

You got to reclaim your vagina:) It has been traumatised, both physically and emotionally. You may well have developed a secondary vaginismus and the longer you leave it, the worse it becomes. Great news that you are having this fantastical sex life - I wonder why you keeping it all for yourself?? Is it fear of pain with your man? is it because you think penetration is expected? Or is your man's technique not as exciting as yours?
don't linger over the past- you are forever different - both your body and your mind. You are a Mom, your body needs different forms of pleasure. Do not feel like a failure as you are in this new place- it will make you further avoidant as you beat yourself up,
Read and work my book Pillowbook (Oshun 2007) - its a great, simple program to get women sexed up again. I suggest that you and your boyfriend be sexual with the understanding that for now - no penetration - only massage, oral play, body rubs, watching porn together, playing with sex toys. Get fun and funky- the longer you avoid sex the more difficult it is to get into it again. Now go play:) -

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