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Question
Posted by: Mika | 2012/04/14

I feel bad :(

Hi Doc

I am having a bit of a problem with my boyfriend. This is the story. I am 23 and he is 28. I am studying for my second degree and he still has not completed his first qualification. I work and study and he has an average job, whiche he will be leaving at th end of this month.

There are many issues that we are facing that all are consequences to other issues in our relationship.
I feel that he is lazy, and that needs constant reminding to do anything for example- the studies, he has a few modules left to do to complete his degree, and he just has one excuse after the other from not registering. When i do remind him he says i am nagging him. its like that with most things infact- he doesnt do it, or he has to be told. I really dont like it, like i feel responsible for him.

Since he is stuck in a bad job, he is constantly angry, stressed out and miserable. but this has lead him to have a horrible angry temperement. Like he swears all the time, at EVERYTHING, it could be the robots, or any other small things. he doesnt swear me tho. This is so off putting for me.

he is like an angry naggy baby, that i have to look after. I would like to be looked after as well.

Because of these things im feeling so off put him, like sexually. Like i dont want him near me, or touch me. I just get irritated, like i think " why is this brat doing this"  I dont like feeling like the man i am with is a teenage boy.

What i needed to know is that, will problems like the ones i have mentioned cause me to feel less sexually attracted to him?

I feel mean for not wanting to have sex, becasue we are still young, but i keep thinking of what future we might have.

Please advise me doc

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As you will have discovered, anyone who is not a self-starter, who is a lazy student who needs someone else to push them to study, will not succeed in their studies. ANd as a partner, is likely to be grudging and resentful if their partner DOEs work hard, and DOES succeed. He does indeed sound immature, and may really not be an ideal partner for a more mature and hard working person like yourself. Its neither surprising nor your fault if you don't feel like sex with a less mature and incompatible man. That's a sign of maturity, that sex has its place in our lives, but is not always such an extreme priority that everything else has to be ignore just to engage in some.
Maturity has surprisingly little to do with actual age ; I've known some shockingly immature 50-year-olds, and some awesomely mature 15-year-olds.
There is no way to sort it out if he doesn't see any problems, or doesn't want to sort it out.
Move on, you deserve much better than this

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Yes | 2012/04/18

I wonder if you forgot to mention that you love him or is obvious you do.... however Obvious gave you all the answers you need. Good luck.

Reply to Yes
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/04/14

The reason we date is to find out if we are compatible for a life time relationship. lf we didnt date we would marry after the first meeting.......
You are not happy as he is not the one...dump him and move on!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Mika | 2012/04/14

thank you maria, that makes a lot of sense, i wish i knew if there is a way to sort it out, or should i leave before it gets worse. I think that i am at the stage when i know whats the right thing to do, i just dont feel like brave enough to do it.

Reply to Mika
Posted by: Maria | 2012/04/14

Goodness girl, why are you still with this guy? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is less motivated than you to improve his situation, has a terrible temperament and who you don''t seem to even like very much? Not wanting to have sex is a completely natural reaction to this unhappy relationship, and the least of your problems.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/14

As you will have discovered, anyone who is not a self-starter, who is a lazy student who needs someone else to push them to study, will not succeed in their studies. ANd as a partner, is likely to be grudging and resentful if their partner DOEs work hard, and DOES succeed. He does indeed sound immature, and may really not be an ideal partner for a more mature and hard working person like yourself. Its neither surprising nor your fault if you don't feel like sex with a less mature and incompatible man. That's a sign of maturity, that sex has its place in our lives, but is not always such an extreme priority that everything else has to be ignore just to engage in some.
Maturity has surprisingly little to do with actual age ; I've known some shockingly immature 50-year-olds, and some awesomely mature 15-year-olds.
There is no way to sort it out if he doesn't see any problems, or doesn't want to sort it out.
Move on, you deserve much better than this

Reply to cybershrink

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