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Question
Posted by: Abused | 2012/05/10

I enjoy abuse from this man ( I guess )

I am abusing myself I am allowing this man to abuse me emotionally I don’ t know why am I still with him. He stays at my house because I asked him to move in with me, he does not want to marry me cause his family says so, he does not have a car or drivers license but he cannot take taxi to and from work cause I have a car, his only passion is going to the gym. If I am upset about something at work he does not talk to me and he hits back by being angry as well and tells me that he does not need this shit. Everyday after work he goes to the gym till 8:00 o clock at night and I must always drive back to fetch him at the gym even though we work in the same complex and knock off at the same time but I must always drive home cook and clean and at 8 come back and fetch him.
I saw myself crying last night when I went back to the gym to fetch him I stood at the traffic lights and forgot to drive off cause tear were rolling all over my face. I didn’ t know why I cried but all the things that he does came back and I just lost it. I wiped my tears quickly before I could meet him cause I knew he was going to get irritated by my tears. I lied and created a story that something happened at work he believed my lies and we went on as normal.I am scared that if I be honest with him he will leave my house and go back to his rented room, I am scared that I am never going to find a man again, I am scared that I might not find a family that will love me like his family does, I am scard that I have wasted 3 years and I am never gonna let it go just like that, I am scared that I must start over again and take off my clothes for another man again. My house is very untidy I do not have the energy to clean, my most beautiful car is a mess inside cause every morning when we go to work he eats in the car and leave the plate there. The next morning same story. I now have about 7 plates and spoons in my car with about 7 glasses that he use for colddrinks every morning. There’ s also a lot of empty dannon’ s ( yogourt ) in the car. Everything is a mess I try to look smart but he only sees mistakes either my hair or my skirt or anything. He cant tell me if he loves me cause he said -|- IS NOT ROMANTIC. He works at a very busy hardware and he standup the whole day and after that goes to gym for 2 to 3 hours when he gets home he is tired and we cannot even have sex. He sometimes sleeps on the couch. The only thing that he is good at is cleaning my yard including the garden, talking about his looks and what he want to buy this winter ( clothes ) always supporting me in terms of ( funerals, weddings, parties and whatever ) he is also good at holding grudges that his sister did this and that 2 years ago and his other sisters are not on his side. He is always home if he is not at work he is at the gym. He is not the type of people who goes out he is always home weekends and holidays we are together. The only time he spends few days without me for the past 3 years was last month when his brother passed away.
I am scared of my life that I might one day die cause of heart attack how do I get out of this mess. I am aware that I am in an unhealthy relationship but I cannot go out. Our neighbours sees us as this lovely couple cause we always go everywhere together. If we don’ t go out we are always at home together.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know what you're doing wrong, so why don't you stop doing it ? You know he wont marry you ( probably an excellen thing, as he is abusive ) and that he is just using you. Apparently his family has no objection to that.
So you drive him around ( and who pays for his gym ? ) But you say he works, so why does he expect you to be his unpaid servant ?
Why be scared that he might go back to his own room ? That's be one of the very best things that could happen to you !
If you've wasted 3 years on this slob, when decide to waste no more - wasting more time on him is the biggest waste of all.
Please see a personal counsellor, to get more assertiveness, and more self-esteem, so as to stop being a pushover to allow someone like this to sponge off you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nono | 2012/05/11

Oh my dear, you knew when he moved in with you that he does not have a car. lets leave materails aside, this man is not cheating, he is always with you. what is it that you want him to do. my advice to you is that stop agreeing to something that you dont want to do. Stop picking him up from gym, let him wake up early so that he can have proper breakfast at home. please discuss things that are making you unhappy with him. he is not a bad guy at all. you really dont know what you want.

Reply to Nono
Posted by: qwerty | 2012/05/11

Someone once told me a story about praying for something...
There was a guy who prayed really, really hard for a Porsche. For a really long time, every day he prayed for this Porsche. So one day, as he walks down the road, he finds an old VW beetle. Very disappointed, he climbs into the beetle and drives off, thinking to himself this must be the answer to his prayer. Had he walked a little further, he would have seen the Porsche standing just around the corner, waiting for him.

Honey, I think you''ve found the beetle - keep looking for your Porsche!!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Abused | 2012/05/11

I want to leave him i just dont know how do i do that after all i am the one who asked him to move in with me I actually begged him to move in cause i was so desperate to have a man in my house. I have been lonely for 9 years before i met him an di prayed to God to give me a man who is always with him and God did the man is always with him. He does not cheat something that i prayed so hard for. How do I really leave a man who is always with me what if I will get a cheater, what if i will get I dont know I hate what he is doing to me I hate the fact that whenever i see him my heart pum fast with fear. Whenever i tell him that i love him HE WILL JUST SAY I know

Reply to Abused
Posted by: KKKK | 2012/05/11

I am in PTA - Thought we can talk woman to woman, Sisi, please try to move out of that relatioship. Before you decide to marry him, please. I am married my man, and now I can''t think of divorcing. I am in debts with him already, until I settle finance issues I will move out, I also have a fear that what if I leave and he will kill me, he is very possisive and too depandant, but financially he is not.

Reply to KKKK
Posted by: AA | 2012/05/11

Abused,

You WILL find love again and someone who will give you the RESPECT you deserve. Do this, as difficult as it may seem:

1. Kick him out today....he will have the whole weekend to find another place to stay. DON''T DELAY!
2. Starting monday, go out and see a movie, even if it has to be by yourself.
3. Start socializing with friends and colleagues as often as possible to keep you focussed on meeting new people.
4. Be open to new friendships, relationships etc as you go along.

YOU deserve BETTER and it will get easier as you go along, the start of such a huge decision is always the hardest but once the wheel starts turning you will pickup speeds an be reaching you REAL LOVE destination sooner than you think!

Good Luck Girl!

Reply to AA
Posted by: Mina | 2012/05/11

Why are you doing this to yourself Sisi?

Reply to Mina
Posted by: Abused | 2012/05/11

I am in East London and we fought again last night because I slept with my gown on

Reply to Abused
Posted by: KKKK | 2012/05/10

Go an see a movie - Act like a man - maybe you will change your mid set. And if you are without him, you will have other people in your life who will replace him or love you more. Where are you based my dear sister. I am feeling your pain since I am also in an abusive relatioship. I am going to see that movie as well, I am always planning to leave, but i can''t mine its a marriage.

Reply to KKKK
Posted by: Face facts. | 2012/05/10

You are your own worst enemy. If you dont realise this and are not prepared to do the obvious, I cannot sympathise with you. You play your own guitar.

Reply to Face facts.
Posted by: Hot | 2012/05/10

staying at your house, driving your car...What the hell are you going to loose Huh! i mean really now. Clearly you are not happy, so why stay in an unhealthy relationship that is not going to take you anywhere. He is told not to marry you and you still hanging on. i agree with Me you need to be punched in the face

Reply to Hot
Posted by: Abused | 2012/05/10

When we first met i had a helper and I let the helper go cause he complained that he does not do her job perfectly. he will put maybe a small stone under the couch and two days later he will check if the stone is still there if the stone is there he will say YOU SEE I TOLD YOU THIS LADY OF YOURS DOES NOT DO HER JOB PERFECTLY

Reply to Abused
Posted by: ME | 2012/05/10

CC WHY DONT YOU ASK YOURSELF WHT ARE U GONNA LOSE. GEEE POST LIKE THIS MAKE ME CRINGE I FEEL LIKE SMACKING YOU.

Reply to ME
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/10

You know what you're doing wrong, so why don't you stop doing it ? You know he wont marry you ( probably an excellen thing, as he is abusive ) and that he is just using you. Apparently his family has no objection to that.
So you drive him around ( and who pays for his gym ? ) But you say he works, so why does he expect you to be his unpaid servant ?
Why be scared that he might go back to his own room ? That's be one of the very best things that could happen to you !
If you've wasted 3 years on this slob, when decide to waste no more - wasting more time on him is the biggest waste of all.
Please see a personal counsellor, to get more assertiveness, and more self-esteem, so as to stop being a pushover to allow someone like this to sponge off you.

Reply to cybershrink

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