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Question
Posted by: Kerry | 2011-11-21

I don''t want to invite them

There is this guy that was in our social crowd for quite a few years but many things have changed over the years and also his new girlfriend and I do not click at all. I can''t stand being in her presence. I would rather avoid them. I did give it a chance and see them a few times but its the same story and we have nothing in common. Anyway the problem is that my husband still see''s this guy on his own without me for work and the odd lunch which I can deal with but I don''t want to invite them to a special anniversary party which I am planning as it will ruin if for me having him there with his girlfriend. How can I do this in a diplomatic way as I don''t want to be directly hurtful to them and they will find out about not being invited and also people will ask me why they are not invited.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You don't have to "click" with everyone within a circle of friends. If the guy is a friend for years, unless his new gf is utterly horrible in specific ways, why can't you just tolerate having her around sometimes ?
WHY can't you stand being in her presence ? Terrible BO or bad breath ? All you sem to be saying is you haven't yet found anything in common between you - is that so appallingly offensive ? Have you really gotten to know her well enough to be so sure of that ?
Again, you sound as though you are over-dramatizing - how will her presence, among many other people RUIN your party ? It sounds as though nobody else has any problems with havin g her around.
Discuss this with your husband, and try to understand why you are reactin so intensely, and how this might be modified.

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Our users say:
Posted by: just checking | 2011-11-21

are you secretly inlove with this guy or what, or do you two perhaps have a history, I mean how can you just not like someone (the new girlfriend)?

Reply to just checking
Posted by: Liza | 2011-11-21

Why do you have a problem with this girl? Not having things in common is no reason to exclude someone - especially since you don''t want to hurt anyones'' feelings. So what does this girl do that annoys you? Also, does anyone else in the group of friends have problems with her?

Does your husband want to avoid them as well? Or would he prefer to have them at the party? Because this is definitely a decision that should be made jointly (unless he doesn''t care either way)

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Sheila | 2011-11-21

Hi Kerry,

This is a difficult one, but as always, you should be the better person. Invite her and perhaps she will see that you are trying to make the friendship work and change for the better.

Reply to Sheila
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-11-21

You don't have to "click" with everyone within a circle of friends. If the guy is a friend for years, unless his new gf is utterly horrible in specific ways, why can't you just tolerate having her around sometimes ?
WHY can't you stand being in her presence ? Terrible BO or bad breath ? All you sem to be saying is you haven't yet found anything in common between you - is that so appallingly offensive ? Have you really gotten to know her well enough to be so sure of that ?
Again, you sound as though you are over-dramatizing - how will her presence, among many other people RUIN your party ? It sounds as though nobody else has any problems with havin g her around.
Discuss this with your husband, and try to understand why you are reactin so intensely, and how this might be modified.

Reply to cybershrink

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