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Question
Posted by: Thandiwe | 2010/11/18

I dont want my life to go on like this anymore

Please assist with your views:

I am staying with my husband and his daughter yesterday when we came back from work, we found her with my neighbour my problem is that she likes to have married woman as friends and she goes to houses where we dont go in. I''ve been confronting her about this and today I told her father that he needs to confront her and tell her that it is wrong, guess what we fought until we got to work, he does not want his daughter to be told that she is wrong what must I do, I am furdap, he will rather kill someone for his daughter I hate the idea that I got married to him its as if he is married to his daughter you only get something when his daughter has asked for one, like this month its her daughters birthday she spoilt her until her birthday and she is still continuing but me I am nowhere in his heart, yesterday he bought me a chocolate because he bought for his daughter and I think he was filling guilty I told him I dont want it he needs to give to me when his heart is right and not because there is someone that he needs to give and I am the obstacle. I did not take it, last friday he bought me a vase and some other things just because he wanted to buy her a phone, what is all this rubbish, please assist

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm no expert in the areas of etiquette you are concerned about, but I hope other readers will be able to contribute helpfully here.
What happened to the daughter's mother, that he is so devoted to her and the mother is not involved at all ? Did she die ?
It really sounds as though the pair of you need to see a marriage counsellor, as there seem to be a number of issues you need to work out together

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Linda | 2010/11/22

Hi there, I hope I''m not too late that you could read this.
Why don''t you just show you are happy for his daughter (in front of him of course) and pretend you like everything he does for her. yYou will see it will make him more happy and not feeling guilty. Make his daughter seriously part of your lives. If things don''t change then leave him.

Reply to Linda
Posted by: storm | 2010/11/22

Dear, I am quite familiar with your situation, and no its not jelousy that you are feeling, I''m afraid the problem goes way deeper than his affection for his daughter. your husband feels he has to make up to his daughter for the failed relationship with the mother girl, and he is unconsciously longing for her, if it were to happen that the mother comes back into their life, he wouldn''t think twice about leaving you.

he needs to deal with his feelings, and you must both see a marriage councillor.

Reply to storm
Posted by: happiness | 2010/11/19

Most fathers are closer and more protective towards their daughters. I assume it will be even worse when the father is the sole parent in that child''s life. But wouldn''t it be easier if you decided to be the mother to his daughter. Like you eliminate the " your daughter"  part when refering to her. If she is your daughter you won''t see the separation you are seeing now. You will only see a child who needs protection and loving. It will be easier for you to contront your hubby about any irregularities because he won''t feel the need to protect her daughter. He''ll trust you have her best intrest at heart.

Reply to happiness
Posted by: thandiwe | 2010/11/18

Maybe I have a reason to be jeoulos because he cannot even give me a cent out of his salary I know i am working but I need to buy food nappies and house staff so that life can go on. I know maybe I can be very wrong that is why I decided to ask for other peoples views, thanks for your view and maybe from it I can learn something I need to find myself and look carefully at this man, as they say take time to know him If I can tell you the truth I dont know anything about this man we were only maybe 1year in love when he suddently proposed marriage, so I have learnt from my mistakes I have married a secretive man who only wants to discuss things with the daughter and everything I say is wrong the daughter talk in between us whenever we talk and I must say she is right.

Reply to thandiwe
Posted by: james | 2010/11/18

I am very tempted to say you are just jelous. Why would you want a kid involved in adult quarrels, you don''t see certain people, you want to choose her friends, and the list goes on and on. I think you hate the kid and the husband knows it, and to some extent you know it too. However spoilt she might be, from the details above, i find you more wrong than him. you tone is not that of parental and wanting to resolve the problem, you want to fix her or show her. Cmon now, surely you can''t compete with the child if anything you should also be buyinh her a chocolate too. Why must your husband feels guilty for buying his daughter a chocolate..........i really think you need counselling, you have reasons to be fedu....no..n....no. It does not sound as if there is love, there is just too much expectations which you believe are not met, i tell you if your husband bought you twice the stuff he buys his daugher, I have a feeling - you would still be mad.........seriously what is bothering you.....the kid is here to stay them man can''t kill his own child. untill you gather enough strength to talk to your husband calmly about your problems you will take your own life. Your idea of wrong my not be his and therefore you insisting that he talksto her won''t happen.

Reply to james
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/18

I'm no expert in the areas of etiquette you are concerned about, but I hope other readers will be able to contribute helpfully here.
What happened to the daughter's mother, that he is so devoted to her and the mother is not involved at all ? Did she die ?
It really sounds as though the pair of you need to see a marriage counsellor, as there seem to be a number of issues you need to work out together

Reply to cybershrink

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