Posted by: FED-UP | 2013-02-20

I dont need a man in my life

My story

i have been married 6 years have a son 5 years and heavily pregnant now with twin boys. my husband is in businesss and for the past 10 years in business he brings little income home. you know how the small business work.

we are renting a flat because we cant afford to buy a house. i dont earn much. he takes care of our sons schoolfees and the rent. from time to time the agent locks and changes the door because he didnt make enough money to pay the rent. i have to ask to sleep over at friends with my son until he is able to make enough money.

i have always been against this business nonsense because after a decade hes struggling to make ends meet.

I am tired of being the breadwinner. we didnt plan the twin pregnancy. i was switching from the pill to a patch thats when i found out i was pregnant with twins. when i told him he said he was not ready for the two kids. and i was not mentally prepared to end those two souls at 15 weeks. it was just too much of a choice for me to do as i dont beleive in abortion.

My marriage has fallen apart. i kicked him out i cry myself to sleep. i try to apply for jobs for him but he declines the interviews because he tells me he doesnt want to change his career even if it puts us through this madness.

now that i am almost due at 33 weeks i am alone and need to find a nanny which is more expense and he is gone.

i am confused and scared and depressed i dont know how i will make it and i dont know why he is so stuborn not to look for a job even if he can see what his business puts us through.

what must i do

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Our expert says:
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These are not easy times for small businesses. But if one's business dreams are not to be merely a fantasy, one must on an ongoing basis, re-assess how genuinely realistic they are. The situation you describe is not one of a thriving business or one that is ever likely to thrive.
I have seen this quite often, where even very nice people have business dreams far beyond their actual skills and capabilities, and really very much want to see themselves as entrepreneurs, and as business people, and dont want to work for anyone else, even if that would probably be much more satisfying and profitable to work for someone else.
Sometimes their feverish insistance that any moment now the flailing, failing business will start to succeed wonderfully can be almost delusional.
About the unplanned pregnancy, you made an honourable decision in line with your beliefs.
He really does need to face the fact - he's given this a good try and then some, and it has utterly failed, and will not succeed. He has inflicted worries and hardship on you and the child, and is about to make this still worse.
HE DOES NOT HAVE A CAREER ! He has a fantasy, a very expensive one, and he is not the main person paying for it.
Is there anyone he might listen to, to talk some sense into him ? Is it an option for you to stay with your family, or find a cheaper place for yourself and the child / children ?

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