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Question
Posted by: Kelly | 2011-06-18

I don''t know what''s happening to my relationship.

I have been in my relationship for eight years, living together for four. Our relationship has had a lot of issues but we never really worked through them, we just started ignoring the issues. We met when I was in my teens and are each others firsts and onlys. I don''t know what''s going on now. I know there are several aspects of his life that he is very unhappy about, but I never thought I would be one of them. I do everything around the house so he doesn''t have to, I let him go party alone when I''m not in the mood to go, I cook what HE likes, etc. I thought I was like the perfect girlfriend, but lately I''m critisized for everything I do. And everytime a comment is made by him I lose my temper and start fighting with him. It''s either that this house is dirty (which it''s not, it''s just messy) or the food tastes funny (which is doesn''t, it''s just him tasting funny things) or I''m always tired (well excuse me for getting up before you to feed the animals, excuse me for working the whole day and excuse me for making supper), the list is endless.... So I get so angry now that I cause a fight, which he doesn''t even care about and he doesn''t even listen to me because he just doesn''t care. I want to get married at some stage, he''s frustrated because he hasn''t been with anyone else. I don''t care that he isn''t the CEO of a company, I know he''s doing the best he can considering the total lack of support from his family, but he''s angry that he''s always going to be a shop clerk (of course he can always study once his debt for his car is paid off but he doesn''t see the light at the end of the tunnel). It''s not like I''m great, I haven''t got tertiary education, I''ve got more debt than him, I have no friends and my car isn''t fantastic either but I''m greatful for the thins I have. It''s like he feels bad about his life so he takes it out on me and I feel sorry for him but what more can I do? How should I handle this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ignoring the issues is like ignoring it when your car engine starts making sinister noises while running. It increases the risks of being stranded somewhere unpleasant, and increases the costs of repair.
The trends you describe are not promising - that you do everything round the house and other ways in which you seem to show yourself as desperately keen to please him and avoid conflict or even reasonable expectations of him. This has led him to unrealistic expectations, and you to understandable but maybe unfair anger.
Surely the pair of you need to see a couples counsellor together, to understand each other better, to render clear and comprehensible the nest of unspoken expectations you both have, to work out whether you should work towards a future together, and ifso, how, and so on.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: jean | 2011-06-19

Dear Kelly, me and my bf seem to be in a similiar condition. i dont know what to do with him as im alone there..I am european, i can say that im beautiful, i have high education, friends and whats more important i love him very much. he is asian, he doesnt have any education (and i dont even care about it, how stupidly im in love), no job, no friends, not even a normal family but i cared sooo muh abt him just couz i saw he was trly loving me...thats all i need...but he has changed his attitude to me just coz sometimes i dont hide that im jealous coz he keeps remembering his ex online ugly gf....and is always open eyed to see other women''s awsome beauty..what to do? life is like that..we go for freaks we become freaks....

Reply to jean
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-18

Ignoring the issues is like ignoring it when your car engine starts making sinister noises while running. It increases the risks of being stranded somewhere unpleasant, and increases the costs of repair.
The trends you describe are not promising - that you do everything round the house and other ways in which you seem to show yourself as desperately keen to please him and avoid conflict or even reasonable expectations of him. This has led him to unrealistic expectations, and you to understandable but maybe unfair anger.
Surely the pair of you need to see a couples counsellor together, to understand each other better, to render clear and comprehensible the nest of unspoken expectations you both have, to work out whether you should work towards a future together, and ifso, how, and so on.

Reply to cybershrink

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