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Question
Posted by: Mandy | 2010/09/30

I dont know what to do!

Ok, this is my problem. Yesterday my boyfriend of 2 years was asked to go to one of his female friends faculty ball.
His friend who has become my friend through him. She asked me yesterday if i would be ok with them going together.
The problem i am having is that, she is my friend as well, but i dont feel comfortable with some other female alone with him like that, it could be mistaken for a date.
Am i being a psyco possesive girlfriend by not wanting him to go with her?
I think its so disrespecful to me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It sounds as though the primary problem is your discomfort rather than anything they are planning to do. You say : " it could be mistaken for a date" - by who ? Other than you ? How are they lacking in respect for you, when they have informed you and asked you ? And when she asked you if it was OK, did you wsay Yes or No ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: TESIA | 2010/10/02

U better not all it,i got marrid last year to a guy whom i met thry a friend and they were dating.the moment sheintroduced us we felt this connection and the ff day he visited me,he told me he loved me iwas in shock bt the other part of me said : what if he is the one? aftr 3mnths of him expressing his love i gave him a chance and now he is my hubby,careful god have good things waitng for us in diff places

Reply to TESIA
Posted by: Me | 2010/10/01

No - it is not right! Tell them no. Do you know some unattached guy that you can recommend for a blind date for her?

Reply to Me
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/09/30

Go with your gut, it never lies. To hell with what other people think, whether you allow him to go or not they''ll still think ha ha ha!!

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Soul | 2010/09/30

Ask him how he''d feel if you went out with one of his friends on a " date"  I bet he wouldn''t appreciate it as he knows what his and his friends intentions will be.
Nothing goods going to come from this and you should tell him that and if he gets upset then personally I think you''ll have your answer.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Mandy | 2010/09/30

Soul, Yes they do want me to be the deciding factor, and this is so hard for me because i so know her, and she was friend. My boyfriend did say yes to her, and when i did confront him he turned ut around and is making me decide. I feel like i am the bas one restrictind him from doing what he wants.
He doesnt believe he is crossing any boundaries, but myself personally, i would not do that:(

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: Soul | 2010/09/30

Mandy you''ve stated how you feel about it and I agree with you it''s not right. What does your bf say about all this? Or are they wanting you to be the deciding factor? Cause should something happen between them the first thing they''ll say is that you allowed it.
Personally your bf should have said no, seems to me he wants to go with her.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Mandy | 2010/09/30

CS- i think its lacking in respect because it is giving the impression to everyone else at the ball, that they are together.
and when she did ask me, i said, personally i will not do the samething because i dont think its right. But at the end of the day its up to them.
To me it it seems like it is a date, with all the slow dancing and things. I dont thin its right.

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/30

Just wanted to add... I think it would be unacceptable for him to go to an afterparty with her.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/30

Well... I was the girl who never had a date because I never had a relationship in my 20''s. If I was forced to take a date to an event I would have to ask a friend who may or may not be in a relationship. I accept that it might make a gf feel uncomfortable but my intention would definitely not have been to take him away from her. Does she have other friends/family she could ask? I think you are entirely entitled to tell them that you don''t want him to go with her. But unless you feel that he may cheat on you, you have the option of being gracious and letting her have him as an escort for one evening?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Mandy | 2010/09/30

To Maria, i think i feel that other people will think that it is a date, after all it does give the erong impression to other people.
And yes to Zee and Just saying...i wanted to say no, but i didnt want him to think that i am over possesive.
This really confuses me.Why would someone in a serios relationship go out, with out their girlfriend, but with a friend.

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: just saying! | 2010/09/30

Hell no , tell her NO , she can get her own date, she is not a friend to you she want''s your guy,,,

Reply to just saying!
Posted by: Zee | 2010/09/30

No, it is not ok. Either both of you go or neither of you. That is how a serious relationship works. Date or no date.

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/30

Are you worried that one of them would mistake it for a date, or that other people will?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/30

It sounds as though the primary problem is your discomfort rather than anything they are planning to do. You say : " it could be mistaken for a date" - by who ? Other than you ? How are they lacking in respect for you, when they have informed you and asked you ? And when she asked you if it was OK, did you wsay Yes or No ?

Reply to cybershrink

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