Posted by: Me | 2009-08-15

I dont know anymore!

Ive been maried for 6 years.We have 2 husband had done some stuff in his past and he told me before we got married its over and done with ,he`s not into it anymore.So we got married,after our boy was born i discovered his still into the stuff,ive been very hurt over this.He lied to me about finances aswell.So then i decided to give it another try(the trust thing)So much so that i got pregnant again,wanted to anyway!he`s always had a bit of a temper ,and the last year it got out of hand,he verbally abused me and the children.So ,dtopped all intimacy again because i cant sleep with some-one who`s so nasty to or the children.And i just cant get the previous stuff out of my head.So i gave him an altimatum,either go for therapy or i leave with the children as i coudnt go on like this anymore,without any respect for me!So he went for therapy,it helped for his temper.I went aswell for a few coulples sessions and to help us communicate in our marraige!Its been better,he does try.
BUT the thing is,i dont know if i still feel anything for him anymore,i cant say " i love youz"  to at all!But i do with the kids,give them hugs and kisses all the time.I dont feel any intimacy towards him or love for that matter.I care what happens to him but love?I feel that stuff has gone to far for me,and i cant see that even if we try harder that the love on my part will come back!He doesnt want to loose his family,his an only child,mom and dad divorced.So he def doesnt want to be alone.But i come from a happy family with 2 sisters and a brother,and i like it on my own!
What am i supposed to do?I dont want my kids without a father,but from my side i just feel friendship,like having a roommate!
Im really lost here as what to do!Therapy helped for his temper and for us to communicate a bit better,but i feel that my emosions are dead for my husband.

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Our expert says:
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I can't help wondering what that "stuff" was, as it could be very relevant here. I wonder whether he therapy he had, which helped with his anger problems, is complete or needs any more work. The couples sessions seem to have been helpful but again --- isn't there more to be done there ? And, depending on whether you are reacting to the past or the present, maybe some counselling for you would help you to get clear whether or not there is a significant problem remaining between you, and if so, how best to deal with it. Again, much may depend on that the mysterious "stuff" is or was.
Bitter should insist on marriage counselling and perhaps anti-abuse counselling for her spouse, as a condition for staying with him, rather than tolerate further abuse.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ME | 2009-08-16

My husband has necer hit me.We sleep in separate rooms aswell.I dont work,stopped when my LG was born 20 mnths ago.My parents and sisters live near me,so i have a support sistem.

Reply to ME
Posted by: bitter | 2009-08-15

Interesting that i' m reading your letter. I feel exactly the same. I' m married for 7 years now and my husband,cheated on me,hit me, verbally abuse me over the last 5 years. I sleep in a different room now,and i also feel like i have this roommate. I want so badly to leave,but he does not want me to leave and i have nowhere to go! I love my children very much,but also do not want to leave them!
I agree that being in a relationship where you feel nothing at all is VERY lonely. I cannot also not trust him. I cry when i m alone and where nobody can see me and then i put up my brave face again,for the sake of my children and everybody around me.
I have applied for a job now, and i pray to God that i will get that,because if i can get financially independant again,i will have more choices and will then be able to maybe have the guts to leave him.

Do you work? or have other support? good luck, you are not alone!

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