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Question
Posted by: April | 2010/02/22

I deserve bad things!

On the outside I am a loving wife and mother. I have 2 small children, both under 3. I don''t work and we live in a decent house. We have recently - 2 years ago, moved overseas and ALL our family lives in SA.

On the inside I am so unhappy!!!! I feel like I am pretending to be all these things. I feel that I don''t have any true friends. I feel that sometimes I am overly strict with my children and shout at them for no reason.

I feel that I am deeply unhappy inside. I feel that I have nothing to look forward to. I know it is difficult with no one to help us, and we have barely had a night off from the kids in 3 years. I don''t know where to turn and i don''t know what to do.

I know my husband will think I am being melodramatic if I tell him my feelings. He doesn''t believe in phyco babble. And also deep down inside I think that it would be better, and that I deserve, to get some form of cancer and die young. It would be better for everyone if I wasn''t around anymore.

What should I do? Am i just being a total idiot? Should I just get over myself already?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No, you're no being a total idiot. You feel lonely and distressed due to this geographical move, and could be really helped by counselling. YOu don't mention which country you have moved to, but there should be counselling services available where you are, as many other cou tries have better developed health and mental health services than South Africa.
When a counsellor has helped you to feel better about yourself, you will be able to make friends.
Its a shame if your husband actually dismisses any discussion of normal human feelings as ppsychobabble but have you actually tried speaking calmly to him ( men get alarmed when too many feelings pour out too quickly, and they don't feel able to handle them !) ? He might be more understanding that you are expecting.
You sound as though you could be significantly depressed, and if you will take the initiative to get yourself to see a proper shrink locally, for a proper assessment and advice and help, you could be feeling a great deal better than this, before long.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Think | 2010/02/23

Listen, do me a favour... take a deep breath! before what i am going to say.
There is NOTHING wrong with you! You need to excite your life! No. 1 - get your-|- up and do something OUTSIDE the house with your kids! Movies, shopping or whatever.. It seems like your kids are a burden to you.
no. 2 - if you take your kiddies to a fun place to those kiddies gym places, You will meet other people and parents.
no. 3 - if you can afford a nanny then get one! So you and your hubby can be together in the evening or if you want to go out or whatever.

You are the luckiest woman in the world!! Don''t lose whatever you have!

Reply to Think
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/23

No, you're no being a total idiot. You feel lonely and distressed due to this geographical move, and could be really helped by counselling. YOu don't mention which country you have moved to, but there should be counselling services available where you are, as many other cou tries have better developed health and mental health services than South Africa.
When a counsellor has helped you to feel better about yourself, you will be able to make friends.
Its a shame if your husband actually dismisses any discussion of normal human feelings as ppsychobabble but have you actually tried speaking calmly to him ( men get alarmed when too many feelings pour out too quickly, and they don't feel able to handle them !) ? He might be more understanding that you are expecting.
You sound as though you could be significantly depressed, and if you will take the initiative to get yourself to see a proper shrink locally, for a proper assessment and advice and help, you could be feeling a great deal better than this, before long.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Lia | 2010/02/22

i know eactly how you feel, i''m in the same situation as yours but I have told my husband about how I feel. It''s so lonely and depressing sometimes. We also are living abroad and we have 2 kids. I''m a stay hme mom and I often feel confined to the house because I''m home 24/7. On weekends my husband is home but i still do the same things. No break whatsoever. I think you have to be open about it talk to your husband let him knw how you feel. He might be understanding, jus try him and maybe you won''t feel like you have no use because you do my dear. You have 2 small kids who adore and love you so much, surely they need their mom in their lives. Give yourself a break.

Reply to Lia
Posted by: Woman | 2010/02/22

No, sweetie, you are NOT stupid. You have gone through huge changes - hormonal, physical, emotional changes the last few years. You need to be kinder to yourself. Please go see a counselor and see if you may have depression. Nothing wrong with taking a pill a day until you feel ready to face the world again.

All the best of luck

Reply to Woman

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