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Question
Posted by: What Now? | 2011/03/16

I cannot figure it out

My husband dropped the divorce bomb on me last week, to which I agreed - there was no hesitation as I had already thought about it deeply myself and found it to be the best option for my kids and I. So when he said blha,blah, blah and we must end this marriage, I said, I think so too, it just feel like the right thing to do. Since then I took steps towards this - I moved out of the main bedroom, have started to pack my items and to wrap up most of the legal things that involved the two of us, most of which now need him to sign. I even informed my parents that they might be hearing from his family soon. My problem is that now he does not co-operate at all. He hasn t talked to his family, hasn''t signed anything, he is jsut being disengaged - not talking to me and not doing anything to the effect that he indeed wants a divorce. This is draining me, I cannot figure him out at all. This is compounded by the fact that other greeting each other, we don''t talk, so I really do not know why he is just sitting on the matter. The more I think of it, the more I realise that even if we stood a chance, I will be the only one working on it because I''m basically the only one who ever brings up any topic for discussion around the matter, and then I''m met with either verbal abuse or silence. Or am I the problem here?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course you're not the problem ! But maybe he thought his declaration of intent to divorce would shock you and give him some sort of advantage - and he may have been appalled to find you thought the same, and you so calmly went ahead with preparations - that wasn't what he expected ! Now he doesn't want to say he's changed his mind, or that he didn't mean it so seriously, or whatever - wouldnt want to suggest he was wrong - but doesn't know what else to do but stall, and say as little as possible, and hope it all goes away.
I wonder how he'd react if he received letters about this stuff from your lawyers ?
Is it practical for you to speak to his family about what he said to you, and how he has reacted when you accepted his suggestion - and what do they think is going on ? Is it possible he did mention it to them and they insisted he must not do this ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/16

He did not mean it when he asked for a divorce. he wanted you to... I don''t know...maybe beg or cry or fall to pieces or something?
Then you surprised him by agreeing, now he is stalling, hoping this will go away.
You need to tell hs parents and friends etc so he can realise that this " monster problem"  he has created will in fact not go away and he should finish off what he started.
Wishing you strenght.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/16

Of course you're not the problem ! But maybe he thought his declaration of intent to divorce would shock you and give him some sort of advantage - and he may have been appalled to find you thought the same, and you so calmly went ahead with preparations - that wasn't what he expected ! Now he doesn't want to say he's changed his mind, or that he didn't mean it so seriously, or whatever - wouldnt want to suggest he was wrong - but doesn't know what else to do but stall, and say as little as possible, and hope it all goes away.
I wonder how he'd react if he received letters about this stuff from your lawyers ?
Is it practical for you to speak to his family about what he said to you, and how he has reacted when you accepted his suggestion - and what do they think is going on ? Is it possible he did mention it to them and they insisted he must not do this ?

Reply to cybershrink

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