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Question
Posted by: KC | 2010/01/25

I can' t help it...

There is this guy that i have secretly been seeing for over 10 years. We are both married but I still want to see him and spend time with him. Sometimes we see each other once or twice a year (that is all). All we do is have crazy, mad, powerful sex and then part ways until months later.

Is it really so bad? I mean we don' t hurt anyone. We need this to stay happy in our marriages because both our spouses are really old-fashioned, boring and dull in the bedroom.

Are we alone or is there other people that do this too???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

No this is not realistic. I would suggest you consult a sexologist / sex therapist to help you sort out your sexual problems in the marriage. What will happen should your respective partners find out about the extra-marital relationships?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/01/31

No this is not realistic. I would suggest you consult a sexologist / sex therapist to help you sort out your sexual problems in the marriage. What will happen should your respective partners find out about the extra-marital relationships?

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: John | 2010/01/27

I am a male that got involved with some one by accident. We only talk during working hours and have brilliant sex up to 3 times on the day maybe once a week. We both love sex and try all different things. I did try but my wife dont want to explore, however she enjoys sex when we do, maybe 2 - 3 times a month. If you want to keep your marriage healthy make sure your sex life is ok, do it by hook or crook but do it.

Reply to John
Posted by: Woman | 2010/01/27

To " To woman" 

" To make women like these feel guilty"  was not my intention, I was making an observation that couples can share a life each day, and yet feel that they cannot be completely honest about their most intimidate needs and desires. However, they have no problem sharing these intimacies with people they don' t know and don' t want to share their lives with.

I am not here to judge, merely to try to make sense of " why" .

I cannot " make"  you feel guilty, you are the only one who can do that.

Have a happy day, you sound like you could do with some happiness.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: KC | 2010/01/27

Off course I feel guilt. I am human you know. It is just that sexual gratification is important to me. The days are gone where women lived only to satisfy their husbands/boyfriends. We have right now too, you know.

And if my husband (who I love dearly) can not fulfill me in this way, I can' t see why I can not find that in the arms of another man. The time we spend (and it really isn' t often) is special to us in our way. He loves his wife and he wants to be with her, not me. We just find something that we both need in each other. It fills a gap.


Reply to KC
Posted by: To woman | 2010/01/26

To woman

Obviously these intimate things would of been discussed already with the husbands, with NO reaction, i dont think you should try to make women in general who have affairs like the one above feel bad or stupid, obviously it would of been discussed BUT was there a response - NO dont you know some men can be hard to get through. Now you know.

Reply to To woman
Posted by: TT | 2010/01/26

PLEASE LET ME HAVE YOUR CONTACT NUMBES

Reply to TT
Posted by: Thinker | 2010/01/26

It' s very interesting to hear the differing views on the subject and the apparent casualness in the way some are quite prepared to be unfaithful and stand the risk of losing it all in a divorce, simply because of a lack of sexual gratification that I am sure could be resolved if your unsuspecting hubby was brought up to speed with your sexual needs. What i would like to know, is that do you not have the slightest twinge of regret, feeling cheap and dirty or embarrassment when you face your hubby or kids after your sexual encounter ? For me, personally, it would be like stealing money and continually having that ugly event on my conscience. I could not live with the guilt.

Reply to Thinker
Posted by: Thinker | 2010/01/26

It' s very interesting to hear the differing views on the subject and the apparent casualness in the way some are quite prepared to be unfaithful and stand the risk of losing it all in a divorce, simply because of a lack of sexual gratification that I am sure could be resolved if your unsuspecting hubby was brought up to speed with your sexual needs. What i would like to know, is that do you not have the slightest twinge of regret, feeling cheap and dirty or embarrassment when you face your hubby or kids after your sexual encounter ? For me, personally, it would be like stealing money and continually having that ugly event on my conscience. I could not live with the guilt.

Reply to Thinker
Posted by: Woman | 2010/01/26

What I find interesting here, is that you are able to live your wildest dream with a stranger, but you can not discuss intimate things with your husband? That is very weird. My husband and I have made a pact that one day, if we both feel it is necessary, we will start having and open relationship. I know many couples who has this honest chat before getting hitched.

I mean, I don'  t think for a moment that having the same partner for '  as long as you both shall live'  is possible. Off course time (how ever long it takes) does get in the way of sex. Why not go out and explore? But I do have a problem with the dishonesty. If you want to be happy and live with someone you love very much, why not be honest about everything?

What is your opinion on this?

Reply to Woman
Posted by: KC | 2010/01/26

Dear R: I guess I do feel something for him...probably always have. However, I know we will and should never be together.

Dear Anony: That is easier said than done. He is not interested in trying anything new. It won' t happen. Don' t I also have the right to be happy? Even if just for a little while...

Reply to KC
Posted by: Anony | 2010/01/26

I dare and challenge you to take that crazy, mad, powerful sex lifestyle that normally take months to come about and learn it to your spouse whom is really old-fashioned, boring and dull in the bedroom and enjoy it as much as you like. That will help you get rid of guilt, second man and become the source of happiness that you really looking out to find in this second man of which comes one in a while.

Reply to Anony
Posted by: R | 2010/01/26

I do not know you so I cannot judge you but if you are in such an affair for so long you must feel something for this man. you must have contact in some way.

Just a little bit of advice.....THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT!! It can take 10 years or longer but it will come out!! Now put yourself in your husbands shoes....how will he feel and react when he does find out? How do you REALLY feel when you are in bed with this man?

And to the one who wants to try it....don' t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to R
Posted by: KC | 2010/01/26

Heyo,

I am very surprised at the comments. I thought I was going to get bashed.

It is easy not to get caught. Like I said, we only get together a few times a year. We never ever make contact after working hours and we never ever take chances.

We meet in place where we would never usually go. We always pay cash and we never go to the same place twice.

Also it is important not to act differently towards your spouse so that they don' t pick up on a thing!

Another very important thing is that we do not share our relationship with anyone. We are the only two people that know about it. Accept for you guys off course  -)

Reply to KC
Posted by: ANNY | 2010/01/26

Hi KC &  Heyo, i' m in that situation. where my partner doesn' t satisfy me during sexual intercourse. He doesn' t do forplay before we get down he just touch there nad there he goes, its all about him not us getting satisfied!

I know how you feel and i find another guy who we used to be friends, we did once last week since chating from last year. i enjoyed him very much and he' s gentle. he' s in a relationship also but e agreed that we dont want spoil our comitments.

So i' m on your side, i used to hate cheating but some thing force you to do things that are out of order but i' m enjoying it and i dont feel guilty, even if you try to work them out it doesn' t help or change!

Reply to ANNY
Posted by: Heyo | 2010/01/26

KC
Dont worry as a woman i know many who are in same boat or willing to get into such a relationship. As long as you practice safe sex. Woman are getting fed up with lack of attention from husbands who act like they too are having affairs anyway, so woman are taking their happiness and sexual needs into their own hands.

I am about to embark on similar set up, how did you not get caught all these yrs? pls share. Also do you speak to this other guy often inbtwn the once or twice a year meet ups? I have been faithful for 12 yrs and i am worried that i will let this guy down on the first encounter, my nerves will get the better of me, the last thing i want is to meet with him and then it flops because i am too dry and tense. I suppose though if the guy does it for you , you are guaranteed a turn on and a good fun session. We have been given sexual desires to explore not to try and see if we can die suppressing them surely. As long as nobody is hurt in the process it should be fine.

I need to ask you this for advice: how do you manage not to get emotionally loved up with the other guy? as woman we tend to fall easy. Are you in love with both him and your husb? How do you think he feels about you? is it purely sexual fantasy? what about when you bump into each other on the str or does that not happen? i am trying to figure all these things out before i go for it.

Reply to Heyo
Posted by: gus | 2010/01/25

you have 1 or 2 days on your calendar for me ?

Reply to gus
Posted by: GUY THING | 2010/01/25

what happened to the sanctuary of marriage, or is been married overrated, shit i mean every freaking person is having affairs of some sort or other ..W.T F.

Reply to GUY THING

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