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Question
Posted by: lol | 2012/01/10

I am stuck

I am having quite a predicaement....here. I have recently discovered I have a half sister and she has been trying to reach out. It was one of those unwise things that my dad, I have learned that she has a good relationship with my siblings and she wishes to have some form of relation with us, her fathers kids.

I don''t know what to do in this instance, I am much older than her and I suppose it makes it difficult for her to say hey to me though however I have a sense of wanting to know her more, at the same time I wish not to upset my mother by forming relations with a daughter whose mother and my dad caused her great pain. On the other hand, the mother is nomore so she feels alone and I wish I could say to her, we are here.

My paps is moving on as if nothing happened, and he is trying to downplay this thing as if nothing happened. To make matters worse, this is not the only child outthere, just when you think you paps is perfect to have this happen completely ruins the picture and eats on the respect you had.

To put a spin on this, there are things I have bought with dad, which I am soley paying for and I needed his assistance for the bank to approve the loan, so legally speaking we own assets together. Should anything happen to him lord forbid he passes on I will still have to fight with my extended siblings over this.

But the issue that bothers me the most is the issue of my half sister, and whether or not I should make the first move and be part of her life. At the same time, I do not wish to upset my mother - she has been through so mouch already.

I am stuck -

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is essential that your father write a proper will as soon as possible, dealing with the assets you share, and the repayment to you of all he owes, leaving the assets to you, whatever seems best, and this will need consultation of a good local lawyer.
Have you talked to your mother about the appearance on the horizon of this half-sister ? You could mention that you are well aware of the pain she was caused by what your father did in the past, and don't want to hurt her, though you al;so recognize that the half-stster, as indeed any children born in such circumstances, is herself innocent and not part of the original problem. Maybe she will be able to agree that there is no problem in you making contact with the half-sister.
My cat fully agrees with Liza's example of the cat accidentally denied a proper litter box - and cats do look embarrassed on such occasions, when they know they have done something wrong ( which is a lot more than people like your father often do ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/11

It is essential that your father write a proper will as soon as possible, dealing with the assets you share, and the repayment to you of all he owes, leaving the assets to you, whatever seems best, and this will need consultation of a good local lawyer.
Have you talked to your mother about the appearance on the horizon of this half-sister ? You could mention that you are well aware of the pain she was caused by what your father did in the past, and don't want to hurt her, though you al;so recognize that the half-stster, as indeed any children born in such circumstances, is herself innocent and not part of the original problem. Maybe she will be able to agree that there is no problem in you making contact with the half-sister.
My cat fully agrees with Liza's example of the cat accidentally denied a proper litter box - and cats do look embarrassed on such occasions, when they know they have done something wrong ( which is a lot more than people like your father often do ).

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: lol | 2012/01/10

Good advice and I am taking it. Thanks guys.

Reply to lol
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/10

You can''t keep everyone happy all of the time. Why would it upset your mother to get to know your half sister? Does your mother blame the half sister for existing? Is it the half sisters'' fault that her father and mother were irresponsible? It''s like being angry at a cat for piddling on the floor when there''s no litter box available.

As for the debts you''re paying that your dad co-signed for, you need to make sure that he specifies that those assets are yours in his will. If he hasn''t done that, at least get him to sign a contract that states that he isn''t making any payments whatsoever and that the assets are yours in the event of his death. You might need to chat to lawyer to ensure that all the legalities are planned for.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/01/10

Get your father to write a will and then it will be clear who should inherit the assets.

Out of respect for your mother l would not contact these illegitimate children until after her death. As you have never met them l am sure waiting a few more years will not make a difference!

Reply to Obvious

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