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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/01/21

I am so confused.

I had asked my ex, the father of my child to start maintaining her and initially he was quite fine with it. Now he asks me if he pays school fees and medical aid then I am doing nothing for the child. I told him if this is our arrangement and maybe its better for us to go to court and discuss it there. He believes that the courts will give me no more than R700 because I earn more than him. If you add his bond payments to his salary then he get paid more than me. He has a car, I dont. I have looked after my child for 4 years without asking a cent. Then he tells me that a child of 4 doesnt eat much and I shouldnt be giving her luxury in anycase. My questions how do you tell a child that I am buying 5 yogurts and you cant eat more than that in a week. Sometimes she wont have supper and she' ll eat a fruit and yoghurt. Then he tells me about his sister not asking maintenance. I nicely told him that when the baby was made it was the 2 of us and his family or sister for that matter was not involved. His response was that he never wanted her (our child) in the first place and dont know why he should pay. This hurt me so much, tears stung my eyes. I just feel now that I want nothing to do with him. I dont want his money or even for him to acknowledge that we were in a relationship ever. Our relationship was a bad one but the best thing that came out of it was my beautiful child. I want to write him off completely, even to the extent of getting a restraining order against for emotional abuse. I just dont understand, I have never asked him anything just what the child rightfully deserves. I dont know what to do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He really thinks that providing her with house, home and food, and dealing with all the daily needs and problems, is NOTHING ? What a dummy !
The Maintenance COurt is not supposed to be stupid, and should take into account his bond payments ( not his salary with that deducted ) and all his benefits, and should look at his own expenditure ( including what might be considered luxuries ), and at not only your income but your expenditure ( keep records of the costs of the child, in petrol, food, share of housing, etc, as this will be useful ).
Its not interesting or relevant for him to debate whether he feels that he SHOULD pay maintenance - the law is simple there - you cause pregnancy, you pay maintenance for the child. If he never wants to pay mintenance, he should invest in a vasectomy. It is really important for society that men must learn that impregnating people is expensive for them
Don't let the squirt get off scott free - go to Maintenance Court and have the court decide and he will then be REQUIRED to pay the agreed amount or face serious consequences. This is necessary for the sake of your child ( what if you became ill, for instance ? ).
If there is evidence of emotional abuse, the court can decide whether or not he should have access to the child at all, and except in so far as it would be required to enable any access he might get to the child, he has no right to access to you, and could still be prevented by court from abusing or harassing you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/22

He really thinks that providing her with house, home and food, and dealing with all the daily needs and problems, is NOTHING ? What a dummy !
The Maintenance COurt is not supposed to be stupid, and should take into account his bond payments ( not his salary with that deducted ) and all his benefits, and should look at his own expenditure ( including what might be considered luxuries ), and at not only your income but your expenditure ( keep records of the costs of the child, in petrol, food, share of housing, etc, as this will be useful ).
Its not interesting or relevant for him to debate whether he feels that he SHOULD pay maintenance - the law is simple there - you cause pregnancy, you pay maintenance for the child. If he never wants to pay mintenance, he should invest in a vasectomy. It is really important for society that men must learn that impregnating people is expensive for them
Don't let the squirt get off scott free - go to Maintenance Court and have the court decide and he will then be REQUIRED to pay the agreed amount or face serious consequences. This is necessary for the sake of your child ( what if you became ill, for instance ? ).
If there is evidence of emotional abuse, the court can decide whether or not he should have access to the child at all, and except in so far as it would be required to enable any access he might get to the child, he has no right to access to you, and could still be prevented by court from abusing or harassing you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Zelda | 2010/01/21

Hi go to maintenance court its humiliating but if you prepare yourself fully you will leave there with what you desrve for your child, do your homework. One day he will come back and ask for his child and all the anger youv' e had would be gone and you will be wanting whats best for your child.

I also did not care whether my ex was paying or not I told myself that I am capable but sometimes he would call and tell me that its his child and and the child will eventually go to him and the irony is its true, I went to court prepared, was humiliated however I got something out of it and now once in two years I go to get an increase and I know I wll never regret going to court.
Men will make you feel guilty because they dont want to support their kids but pretend like you are not hearing a thing and you wont regret it after all it his responsibility, dont settle for less I am sure you want the best for your child

Reply to Zelda
Posted by: LOL | 2010/01/21

Anon

Just be greatful that at least you can provide for you child, i understand that its both your responsibility but you cant really force someone to do something. My ex hustband is also the same but my daughter eat whatever i eat and we are perfectly happy.

The courts and all, might help but most of the time they dont, you might even end up getting R500.00.

So please just think of some other people that cant even afford to buy fruit and yoghurt.

Gud luck!!!!!!!

Reply to LOL
Posted by: Woman | 2010/01/21

He has a child and he is responsible for his child. It doesn' t matter that you dislike him. This is not about you, but about the child. You both have a responsibility towards his care.

Maintenance court is objective, they will ask for statements from employers re salary and then you must prove expenses. (by showing till slips and invoices for clothes, food, rent, aftercare, social excursions, after school activities, uniforms, school accessories etc.) You are both responsible for the child. Maintenance court will give him and amount and if he refuses or doesn' t pay, a garnish will put put against his salary.

It' s a drag, but the best way to go.

Reply to Woman

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