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Question
Posted by: Cindy | 2012/10/08

I am not sure if he still love me or not

I have been with the father of my baby for 5years, we live in different province, he paid lobola for me three years back and up to so far we are not officially married, his xcuses is his family who is dependent on him. We are both 30, and he is dating a 23 year old who is a student in the province where hs currently working. He denies everything about this girl but the girl call me and tell me how much he loves her. i saw the msg on his fon, he seem to love her. now i don''t know what to do, i am always stressed and i even gain weight, and i feel like he is ashamed of me. even the amount of sex we are having has dropped drastically. He still says he loves me ,im the mother of his children, i am the special woman in hs life, but all these words have no meaning to me anymore. what should i do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he feels sure he has to support his family, and can't afford to get married to you, why did he pay lobola and have a child with you ? It is his moral and legal duty to may proper maintenance for the child already, so except for a wedding ( which doesn't have to be the bloated expensive affairs we so often seem to expect these days ) there might be little additional expense.
And if he can't afford to marry you, and support his child, his child's mother and his family - how can he possible afford to date another girl ?
If he really means that you are special to him, he needs to show it, in develop[ing jhis relationship with you and nobody else. The fact that the other girl called you suggests there is more going on between them and she is trying to break you up.
Having paid Lobola, aren't your family and his interested in trying to see what's going on, and to sort this out fairly ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/08

If he feels sure he has to support his family, and can't afford to get married to you, why did he pay lobola and have a child with you ? It is his moral and legal duty to may proper maintenance for the child already, so except for a wedding ( which doesn't have to be the bloated expensive affairs we so often seem to expect these days ) there might be little additional expense.
And if he can't afford to marry you, and support his child, his child's mother and his family - how can he possible afford to date another girl ?
If he really means that you are special to him, he needs to show it, in develop[ing jhis relationship with you and nobody else. The fact that the other girl called you suggests there is more going on between them and she is trying to break you up.
Having paid Lobola, aren't your family and his interested in trying to see what's going on, and to sort this out fairly ?

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