Our expert says:
If you have DSTV access, check the BBC channel that shows Little Angels, Supernanny, and other brilliant programs showing how to transform unruly undisciplined kids. He's playing Power games, having discovered how much power he can exert by opposing you --- its not about you as such, but about exulting in his own power. He may feel in some ways supplanted by the new kids in his dad's life. Can you discuss this with his dad, and plan for dad to discuss this with him, and re-assure him of how special he will remain --- and perhaps have dad encourage him to behave better towards you ? Seeing a child psychologist even for a few sessions would be useful, to help draw up a progam for discipline which you could keep to. Sad that your parents don't understand at all and blame you for something that is truly not your fault.
And they're seriously wrong in their suggestions. It is NOT about you being more lenient and tolerating more nonsense from him. On the contrary he may be feeling adrift in soft territory with unclear rules. Draw up basic, reasonable, clear and unambiguous rules of what you expect from him and in return what he can expect from you. Breaking the rules must have clear consequences in loss of privileges or whatever he values and liekes ; keeping to the rules should lead to cumulating marks on a chart leading to set rewards which he values.
Apart from your very justifiable needs, he needs to learn that this is a world in which bad behaviours have consequences, but that one can work towards and earn good consequences
Also try the Parenting Forum here on H24, which may also be helpful for you
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