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Question
Posted by: Les | 2010/02/24

I am in love

Hi all,
I have fallen in love with someone, I am more convinced now that ever before. I''m married but I''m now ready to leave and start life afresh. I did see this guy I was instantly attracted to. I thought the feeling will go away but it never did, so after 2 years I decided to call this guy. We talked and I liked him, I decided maybe I should go sleep with him and see if I still feel the same way. I did and now it''s been 2 months since I did that but it feel like yesterday. We were still talking on the phone after we were physical but not anymore. He started by not answering my calls and now he doesn''t call anymore. I know it''s for the best but i still long for him so much. I still miss him I just wish he can just call to let me know he''s doing okay. I don''t know what to do about this feelings. I don''t feel I love my husband anymore and I am planning to leave him. But now how do I deal with the overwhelming feelings I have for this guy. he told me he likes me but he said he doesn''t want to be involved with a married woman and he doesn''t like drama. He kept asking what if your husband looks at your phone bill, he said he doesn''t want to be in the middle of our relationship even though he kinda is since we slept together.
How do I shake off this feeling, not a day goes by without me thinking about this guy. When I see him my heart bit faster, my palms sweat and I just cannot be myself.
Please help?
Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You seem to have an awfully cold-blooded and irresponsible view of your own marriage and the committments you then made to your spouse. |I will be faithful to you until I spot someone lse who appeals to me more, and then I'll try him out sexually, and if all goes well, I'll dump you and move on to this next guy".
And you seem no more interested in the actual feelings and and wishes of the new guy, either -he passed your audition in bed, and you assume he ought to desire you and be ready to accept your very temporary commitment to him. It's obvious he has the sense not to be anywhere near as fond of you as you claim to be fond of him.
Have you noticed how often in your message you use the word "I" ? It is absolutely all about you - other people seem completely unimportant to you except so far as they can satisfy your romantic fantasies and wishes.
As qwerty says, you have now convincingly PROVED to the new guy that you are prepared to cheat with him, and thus that you'd find it easy to cheat ON him. This seems to be a fantasy, in which you're in love with the idea of you being madly in love, and with your own ideas of who this guy is and what the relationship might be - in your imagination. Reality apparently bores you.



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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2010/02/25

Flower,what makes you think this time it will be different.U dont jave to stay with some1 who does not make u happy BUT do u have to sell-|-everytime u going thru a divorce,what happened to taking a break or are u sex addicts

u guys are so vulnerable and men are snakes be careful,esp u les,this man might not have any interest anymore.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Flower1980 | 2010/02/24

Qwerty you are quite right. But I am a married woman who is in the prcess of divorce. I had a fling with my lover on and off for the last 4 years, only last year we became serious. Its part of the reason I am getting divorce, but I fell out of love with my husband a long time ago. When I met him he drank, yes I knew that, I though ok I could live with it. When we got married, he started sleeping out, I kept on for years, but I just could nt hold on anymore. My husband became someone that I did''nt like anymore. Hate him, wish him dead. So how can one be married to another person if you feel that way about them. So my friend I would say if you are unhappy and you know you cannot make it work, counseling wont help, get out.

Reply to Flower1980
Posted by: Rogue | 2010/02/24

This is a tough story to deal with. Believe me you might be in love with him but when you get " used"  to him you WILL long for your husband even worse. I know how this feels and I know how one can get attracted to someone. I have not slept with another man, but I can only imagine how complicated things can become when you get physical with someone outside your marriage. The only reason why you still feel attracted is because he is ignoring you. You are calling him all the time and he knows that you like him. They say the best targets to have are married women why? because they know how hectic things are in a marriage and unfortunately there are those sharks that takes huge advantage of the situation. He does not want to come between the two of you but he slept with you already... Good luck!

Reply to Rogue
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/24

This guy probably represents everything to you that your husband doesn''t. Which is not to say that he doesn''t have his own unique set of problems, but you probably haven''t learned about them yet as you''re not married to this man.

Did you feel this way when you first met your husband? What''s to say that if you run after this guy you won''t " fall out of love"  with him and then go after the next guy that makes your pulse race?

The guy clearly just wanted one thing from you, and once he''d gotten it he lost interest. Infedelity is never the answer. And once you''ve cheated WITH someone, they''ll always wonder whether you could cheat on them, too......

You should sit down with your husband and tell him everything - and see if there is anything worth saving in your marriage.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/24

You seem to have an awfully cold-blooded and irresponsible view of your own marriage and the committments you then made to your spouse. |I will be faithful to you until I spot someone lse who appeals to me more, and then I'll try him out sexually, and if all goes well, I'll dump you and move on to this next guy".
And you seem no more interested in the actual feelings and and wishes of the new guy, either -he passed your audition in bed, and you assume he ought to desire you and be ready to accept your very temporary commitment to him. It's obvious he has the sense not to be anywhere near as fond of you as you claim to be fond of him.
Have you noticed how often in your message you use the word "I" ? It is absolutely all about you - other people seem completely unimportant to you except so far as they can satisfy your romantic fantasies and wishes.
As qwerty says, you have now convincingly PROVED to the new guy that you are prepared to cheat with him, and thus that you'd find it easy to cheat ON him. This seems to be a fantasy, in which you're in love with the idea of you being madly in love, and with your own ideas of who this guy is and what the relationship might be - in your imagination. Reality apparently bores you.



Reply to cybershrink

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