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Question
Posted by: Angry | 2010-06-05

I am angry at him

I am a 29 and my husband is 28, he is working in Limpopo and I am in Gauteng. I just discovered that he is dating a 20year old collage student there in Limpopo. He apologised and said he broke up with her. I am so angry and i don''t know what to do. They are both leaving in Limpopo, how can i trust him?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its very understandable that you feel angry. OK, when working and thus livin apart, one gets lonely - but that's not an excuse for infidelity.
I agree with qwerty - he has damaged your ability to trust him, and needs to EARN it back. This doesn't mean that you can or should never trust him again, but that he will need to work at behaving in a transparently honest and trustworthy way, to enable you to regain trust in him. How to do that, he needs to think about.
Marriage counselling could help - but obviously you'd need to be together for that. Is it esential that uyou both work so far apart ? or is it posible to find work within easier reach of each other ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-06-07

You can''t. He has already broken your trust, now it''s up to him to earn it back. And that is almost impossible to do while he is living in a different city from you, but the same city as his mistress....

You guys need to make a plan to be in the same city, and then you need to explore getting some marriage counselling to work through his infidelity. IF that is what both of you ultimately want!

Good luck!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-06-07

Its very understandable that you feel angry. OK, when working and thus livin apart, one gets lonely - but that's not an excuse for infidelity.
I agree with qwerty - he has damaged your ability to trust him, and needs to EARN it back. This doesn't mean that you can or should never trust him again, but that he will need to work at behaving in a transparently honest and trustworthy way, to enable you to regain trust in him. How to do that, he needs to think about.
Marriage counselling could help - but obviously you'd need to be together for that. Is it esential that uyou both work so far apart ? or is it posible to find work within easier reach of each other ?

Reply to cybershrink

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